Mentoring - Lesson 2

Hello and welcome back. I'm Chuck Coker and I'll be working with you today on stage two. We're moving into the planning stage of mentorship and it's important that you as a mentor remember that we have to create an environment of trust once the contact is made between you and your mentee.

In addition, we want to share your journey and your failures with your mentee because they need to know how to understand them. You see, building trust requires that you communicate with transparency and relatability. There is a trust course at www.lifethrive.com that you can dig into if you want to learn more about trust.

But there also must be an understanding of biblical principles that both you who communicate to your mentee and the mentee must accept and grasp. Your areas of help and expertise are going to help them grow, especially if they are founded on these biblical principles. Your commitment to understanding them, their strengths, their weaknesses, and the challenges that they may face on their journey of growth is extremely important.

You see, each mentee is unique and must be addressed as such. No two mentees will have the same behaviors and mindsets. Their natural behaviors, according to Jeremiah 1.5 and Psalm 139, when the Lord created you and shaped you and molded you while you were still in the womb and the mindsets that are similar to Esther's situation in Esther 4.4, you were created for such a time as this.

During that time, you will be able to grow and develop uniquely because the situations and circumstances and priorities that are given to you through parents, educators, friends, and circles of influence are going to have an impact on those natural behaviors. Now, once your mentee has established their goals and their objectives, you as the mentor need to provide a clear description of how their uniqueness and personality is going to impact the task they will be undertaking. This part of the course is designed to help you understand your mentees and their unique personality because it's going to have an impact on their objectives.

To accomplish this, you must consider Paul's directive in 1 Corinthians 9.22 in the pastoral epistles based on the word Sophron, which is used multiple times in those pastoral epistles. So let's start off with the natural behaviors. Why should we even consider them? Well, first of all, if you have a good understanding or shall we say an emotional intelligence level that allows you to interact and communicate in those relationships, you're going to have a very strong foundation for being able to adapt those communications in a way that actually helps you minimize misunderstanding and be able to clarify the points that you're trying to make.

Next, it's also going to improve your understanding and decision making in the process. There's going to be inherent challenges that mentees create for themselves and the potential plans that you've tried to put together and you're going to have to be able to adapt those approaches based on their personality. You also want to develop a deeper acceptance of why your mentee is the way that they are.

I've included some graphics to show a very simplistic approach to understanding the differences in behaviors. You'll notice that they're colored and the colors tell us something about the individual. The red tells us that there is a desire to control a dominant personality that's very straightforward, driven, ambitious, forceful, and visionary.

These people lead about 75% of the organizations that they exist in. The yellow line talks to us very specifically about the way a person wants to communicate because the higher that yellow, the more inspiring, creative, enthusiastic, persuasive, and energetic they're going to be. But then the green line talks about the steadiness or the pace that an individual wants to walk in.

Green is a consistent color. We think about the trees that we see every day. They don't change very much visibly.

So the higher that level of green, the more relaxed they want to be, the more deliberate, the more caring and nurturing, but most of all, consistent and predictable. They love to build predictable environments for themselves and the people around them. The blue line talks about following the rules.

Are they compliant? And the higher the level of that blue line, the more analytical, systematic, accurate, meticulous, and reliable an individual is going to be. So the behaviors are those innate characteristics that we're born with. Remember God shaped us while we were still in the womb and gave us this personality for a reason.

And that reason is going to help us better understand. Now let's move on to each one of these so that we can help you better understand the indications that you will get. First of all, let's take that red line, that dominance level.

It's how a person prefers to handle their problems. While they only make up 18% of the population, they are the results people. They're the goal people.

So you better be time efficient with them. But one thing you'll notice about them is that they sometimes seem to be angry. Don't confuse that with the passion that exists within them because that passion causes them to be loud and direct at times and talk with their hands and point.

They can even seem impatient, but their focus needs to be to listen and more fully understand what's going on. Now, if you want to get your point across to them, you are going to have to give them options. Now, let's talk about what other people actually see with the high dominant individual, because on a good day, they're going to be great high performers.

They're very exacting. They're honest, they're efficient and effective, and they're very decisive and determined. But on a bad day, they can be very autocratic, critical, demanding, insensitive, and even domineering at times.

But what do they love? They love for you to be direct, punctual, get to the bottom line. They love being in charge and freedom and honesty. What they do dislike is incompetence, inefficiency, mistargets, especially deadlines, and anything irrational that they really don't want to hear.

So let's talk about what are some of the things that are going to be important as you work with this person. Understand that they're going to want to get to the point very, very quickly and focus on what they need to do. They want to move and move quickly.

So having that agenda and even setting time frames on the agenda will allow you to move on and get to where you need to be very quickly. Let's move on to the other extroverted tendency, the high yellow. The high yellow or the high eye indicates the person wants to influence other people with their conversation.

You could actually consider them a motivational specialist. They make up 28 percent of the population and their primary emotional driver is optimism. Now, sometimes that may seem a little unrealistic to you, but they don't know that they can't accomplish whatever is put in front of them.

Why? Because they want personal approval. But they speak in generalities and try to be very stimulating in their conversation. And you'll see them very expressive.

They're going to have large hand motions, open hands, but when you put them in a stressful situation, they may actually appear somewhat disorganized. Now, their personal growth action is to think before they speak because they think out loud. Most extroverts do.

So how are you actually going to get your point across? Mirror their behavior. If they lean back and cross their arms, lean back and cross your arms. This is the one personality type that has this uniqueness because if you do that to a high red dominant person, they're going to think you're mocking them.

So you want to use this specifically with those people that can't talk if they're sitting on their hands. So how do other people see this individual? Well, on good days, they're very creative. They can be dynamic, open, optimistic, and fast reactor and be somewhat charismatic in the way that they approach things.

But on a bad day, they can be pushy and even superficial. You can be sure that from time to time, they will also exaggerate and perhaps not follow through because of that level of overconfidence. What do they love? Fun, energy.

They love ideas. They love being needed and recognized. But let me assure you this.

One thing they really dislike is details, reports, authority, being told what to do, and they don't even like to do PowerPoints very much. So when you think about the influential or that high yellow person, think about the fact that you're going to need to plan a little bit more time because they're going to take a lot of time in their conversation and they're going to need to at times be put into check. That's why it's good with any extrovert to put time frames on their agenda so that you can help get them through all of the information that's needed to be done during your meetings.

Also build in a little bit of a fudge factor with the high influential person because they are probably going to take a little bit longer than they need to do the open conversations. Now let's switch gears. Let's go over to the introverted side because this is a person with the high S, that high green, that they like that steady pace.

They do not like change. And here's the unique thing about them. They make up 40% of the population and they try very hard not to express their emotions.

You may even perceive them as non-emotional or dispassionate. Why? Because they want personal security. They don't want people to think that they're either up or down.

But let me assure you of this. The fire is burning inside and even though they may not show it, they want to build a relationship by a steady pace and a strong communication. They love to be supportive and agreeable, warm and friendly, and they make fantastic listeners.

However, when you talk with them, you're going to notice that their hands are normally inside their body frame. They're not going to be out here like the extroverts with the open armpits and the pointing or the waving of the high yellow. Under stress, they get very possessive with their belongings and the things that they feel responsible for.

If you want personal growth and reaction from this person, they're going to have to open up. You're going to have to start pulling things out of them. So get your point across by teaming up with them.

You know, if we were doing this, how would we do this? We, our and us are good words to use as you interact with the high green or the high steadiness person. Because on a good day, they're very warm, accepting, patient, friendly, and very cooperative. But on bad days, you may even think that they're weak or they waste time or they don't have goals.

They're slow to make decisions or even ineffective, when in fact, this isn't always true, because they tend to be the glue that keeps an organization stuck together. You see, they love being part of a team. They love being around people and helpful.

They try to be fair and make sure that they fit in. But let me share one thing with you. As you mentor this type of individual, don't raise your voice.

They don't like to be shouted at and don't change right in the middle of things because they're going to struggle with that kind of change. They don't like rejection. And most of all, they don't like criticism.

So how do you work with this individual? Prep them before. Send the agenda for your meeting to them and make sure that there's a clear understanding about where you're going and how you're acting and interacting with them as individuals during the time that you're mentoring them. Use those collective phrases, we, our and us, in your interaction with them and work with them with the concept of how can I help you be successful? Because when they feel that you're on their team, they'll actually be hard to get rid of because they make strong friendships and relationships.

Now, the other introvert that we want to cover today is the compliant or the more task oriented introvert. They only make up 14% of the population, but they are very analytical. They need to be right and they focus on the details.

So make sure that you're accurate. Why? Because they express a lot of concern about just about everything. And it's perceived as fear by many people.

But really, it's just because they want to be right. They want to express concern for you and help you be more accurate. That's why they can become very direct and proper, even a bit reserved with the crossed arms, the hands to the chin.

And when you put them under stress, they can actually come off critical. But let me assure you of one thing. They're more critical of themselves than they are of other people, because really all they're trying to do is interact with you in a way that will help you achieve your objectives properly the first time.

So what's their personal growth? They need to become more decisive because they mull so many ideas through their brain that they can get bogged down. So to get your point across, just focus with credible data because they love the logical and analytical approach to things. They like to be careful, reliable, precise and reserved.

But on a bad day, they can be very stubborn, very nitpicking, perfectionistic and even pedantic. Why? They love that detail, the logic, the punctuality, the background information that makes them feel safe and secure where they are. They do not like irrational behavior, sudden change, making mistakes or unrealistic or unreasonable deadlines.

Another thing too that you might want to remember is that don't touch them until there is some sort of relationship established. They are going to ask you a lot of questions as you walk through this mentoring process. They want to make sure that all the I's are dotted and all the T's are crossed.

Jesus said, not a jot or a tittle will change. These are your jot and tittle people. They want to make sure.

So therefore, don't be surprised when they ask you for questions. So when you come with your agenda, don't just prepare for what you're sharing with them right that minute. Think about what else they may be needing to cover in the future.

So how do you actually apply a mentee's behavioral traits? The important thing for you to remember, and this is the beginning of developing a deeper level of emotional intelligence, because self-awareness is the foundation for all of that. You need to ask yourself this question, how should you adapt as a leader to the mentee's behavior to get your point across? You may be an extrovert. They may be an introvert or vice versa.

You're going to have to adapt your pace to the individual to make sure that you have that lasting impact that will help them get to where they need to be. Secondly, you need to identify the characteristics that are key to the success in the mentee's chosen area of ministry or business. What job characteristics are they going to need to use to either lead, manage, or meet the needs of their team members? What behavioral strengths do they have that will actually help them do that? And what are they lacking that they're actually going to struggle with? You as an individual can help them overcome these challenges, regardless of whether you're an extrovert or introvert and vice versa.

You have the experience and as a mentor, you need to help them identify what you've learned through the mistakes that you've made to help them go through that process. Lastly, you need to understand the gaps between the role and the person. You see, every job description is made up of a list of tasks, and those tasks can be things that are stronger for extroverts and weaker for introverts or vice versa.

So there's going to be gaps between the role and the individual because if they're pure extroverts or pure introverts, they're going to miss some of the things that would allow them to perform their function well. It's just like the difference between leadership and management. Leadership, we're trying to inspire people, and that high yellow person is going to be very good at that.

Management, on the other hand, is going to need that red or that blue line because they're very much task oriented. So understand those gaps between yourself and your mentee so that you can help them close those gaps and do the things that are necessary to not just interact with you as a leader, but interact in a way that they can work with their team members. I hope this session has been helpful to you by understanding the things that you can see.

In our next session, we're going to be talking about the mindsets or the priorities that were developed during an individual's lifetime to help them become focused on what is most important to get things done. You see, our priorities are actually more important than our behaviors. That's why first impressions aren't always great.

Your priorities tell you how you're going to approach the tasks and responsibilities that you face in life and the way that you react to the Lord. So in our next session, session three, I hope you'll join us and identify how to sort out those priorities and how to make them work for you because they're much more important than just the way you act.