Building Trust - Lesson 3

Now that we've identified even more deeply the aspects that can have a significant impact on whether people trust us or not, let's dig into the powerful, meaningful differences so that we can understand how our behaviors and mindsets are actually going to impact trust. Now, when we think about the way that we can achieve our goals and objectives, the word collaboration has got to come to the forefront. And collaborating with people actually makes our role of trust easier.

And when we don't collaborate it, it makes it a bit harder. So how do you do that when you have to embrace the differences that are key to organizational success? Well, first of all, we have to see all things differently. Our differences help us become more than the sum of our parts, because diverse teams are 87% better at making decisions according to Larson.

So how do we do that? Because our differences can actually present a challenge as we learned when we studied our behaviors and mindsets. It's natural to prefer people like ourselves Now, the good thing is that our mindsets are fluid. And so naturally in ministry, the people that are there are most often aligned with the mission, vision and values of the ministry.

So we feel much more comfortable in trusting those people. But our nature is to show favoritism or interest to people like us. And we will naturally interact less with people unlike us.

And with those people, we may lose the trust of our colleagues. So why do we immediately feel that trust or that distrust? Because of the behavioral styles. The important thing to remember is that those behavioral styles may cause us or give us a first impression that might not be great.

We have to take past and reach past that first impression and learn about the differences because those differences help us get to our goal and see them and achieve them much more quickly. We have to recognize that the behaviors may be different than ours. We have to appreciate that the behaviors are different than ours.

And we have to determine how those behaviors can help the team grow because we're all on the same path headed towards the same objective. And that is accomplishing the mission, vision and values of Jesus Christ himself. This requires that you have a framework to help you understand the common ways in which people differ.

In the past lessons, we've talked about nature versus nurture and building a framework to understand our personalities. So let's review that real quick. Behaviors are the way that you communicate and interact with others.

It's based on your genetics. It's the Jeremiah 1:5, "God knitted us together" specifically this way so that we would be fast paced or slow paced. And our mindsets remind us of Esther 4:4 because God placed us where he did "for such a time as this" with the people around us who have certain priorities that we become adaptive to because these are the things that we need to value to accomplish our purpose as believers.

And these things are derived from the background in which we grow up, family, teachers, people that we grow up with in our Sunday school classes or in our meetings. So let's briefly review the importance of behaviors because they help us improve communication and relationships. They improve our understanding and decision-making.

They develop a deeper acceptance of why we are the way we are. And they lay the foundation for adapting the way that we communicate in a way that helps minimize misunderstanding and clarity. Remember that there's four behavioral styles, that dominant, strategic thinking, fast paced, task-oriented person.

The other extrovert, the influencer that's more inspiring and creative and enthusiastic and warm and friendly. But on the other side, the majority of the population rests with the introverts who as a high S is much more relaxed, much more caring, much more nurturing, much more of that great listener that we wish everyone had. But the task-oriented introvert is much more analytical, systematic, accurate, and meticulous.

So when we think about those four behavioral styles, each one of them is gonna communicate in a very different way. And what we have to remember is just because a person communicates a certain way doesn't make them bad or good. It makes them different.

And here's the important thing, is that you have the ability to adapt and change that pace, change that approach so that other people will understand. And I'm gonna quote it again as I have in the past. What Paul says, I've become what? "All things to all people for the gospel."

So next we remember that there are mindsets that improve our motivation and improve our ability to implement because experience has taught us something. This is that nurture thing that God has placed us in to develop a deeper understanding of what is important to you and the people that you are ministering with. You see, mindsets are more fluid than behaviors and they can change over time as we learn and deepen our understanding in the ministry that we're working with and how to interact from the lessons learned, the same way that Jesus taught his apostles to focus our attention.

And that way we can lay a foundation for adapting what's important in a way that maximizes what we achieve regardless of the environment that we're in. So we have to ask ourselves, "How does the mindsets lead to trust or distrust?" You see, conflicting mindsets between two people will cause other people to be focused or distracted and it's kind of instinctual. For example, how do we get people into our church? Well, the highest aesthetic is said, "Let's put a fountain out front where people walk in, and they can hear that water and they see the beauty of that fountain. And when they come in, they'll be at peace and ready to accept the message." And the high individualistic or the high theoretical is going to say, "Wait a minute, they're not here to listen to the water running, they're here to hear the sermon." So you can see that there may be a little bit of conflict, but the important thing is, how do we get them to the main point? And that is the main dimension of what the ministry is there to serve.

And it can be affected by the intrapersonal aspects. Let me give you another example. A utilitarian focused on the return on investment will seem distracted to the aesthetic person that we talked about earlier, who cares much more about the way things fit together and the way they look.

Now, as a leader, you have the opportunity to align your team's mindset with the organization's mission. Let me give you an example. You need to do that multiple ways.

You can't just send out a text. You can't just send out a email. You can't just send out a message by video. You have to do it in each way and you have to do it individually and with the group. The mission of the church needs to be stated each time the church body is together. It has to be reinforced by the messages that are sent by text, the messages that are sent by email, and the messages that are put in a bulletin or the way that it's communicated.

If you do not, then there will be an opportunity for distrust because people are getting mixed signals. You can't afford to have those mixed signals otherwise people begin to doubt what the direction is you're heading in and is your purpose what it was said last week or this week. What we just talked about when we consider the different behaviors and mindsets, we're going to begin to bring them together with the constructs of trust, but I know you have questions at this point.

What might they be? When you talk about communicating the message and mission of the church on a consistent basis in all different platforms, would there ever be a point where it's considered to be too repetitive? And if so, how would you know that? Well, here's the one thing that we know about people. Almost 75% of the population is change adverse. When there is a consistent message given to people on a regular basis, there is a much stronger level of comfort and mental receptivity.

Are there going to be times as a ministry grows and as a ministry develops that there will be change? Yes, absolutely. But what we have to do is we have to prepare the congregation, the staff, the elders, or whoever might be involved in boardrooms or whatever with a ministry to identify that our next step in the development of our ministry is one that is going to require us to grow and develop more deeply. What we would like at this point is for you to think about this concept.

We need to grow not just a nurturing ministry, but one that also has an evangelistic outreach. And I realize that's a big change for us as a congregation. But what are some of the things that you see or you think might help us grow and develop into a nurturing ministry that evangelizes also? We'll take that information in over the next three months and we're going to assimilate it and we're going to present it to you with some ideas and some concepts.

Now, why is that approach appropriate? Well, any of you that have taken psychology, you've heard of the Hawthorne theory. The Hawthorne theory says, "If you ask for input, in most cases, regardless of the decision that you make, people will go along with it as long as they have had an opportunity for input." So what you have to do is prepare them for that transition, give them an opportunity to speak into it, and they are going to feel like, "Well, maybe more people think it's important to do this than my suggestion, but I'm willing to give it a try."

As we've been going through these different topics, I keep thinking about the people in our churches, specifically the people in my own personal background, that don't care there are differences. It's either their way or the highway, and they simply refuse to acknowledge. And so we can talk about, "Well, we need to recognize our differences and appreciate them and determine how these differences can help the group grow."

And there'll be people that'll just say, "No, no." I mean, it's again, what do you do? Well, it's a very good question because studies have shown that there is a very unique difference between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset. And fixed mindsets, not only will push back against change, they will actively work against change.

And so while biblical principles are what they are, and they will remain consistent forever, the one thing that we have to remember is that we live in a society that is bent on change, that is bent on innovation. And while we cannot sit still, we must continue to move ahead. What I have often done in cases where there are people that have those fixed mindsets is invite them over or meet them for dinner and bring them into the situation and say, "Here's what has been happening. And here's the reason why we're not growing and developing. Do you have any ideas?" 

"No, let's just keep doing things the way they are." 

"Well, we can do that, but we also might continue to shrink."

And "Are we truly accomplishing the purpose that God placed us here for?" And "You've been with me a long time. You've been part of this ministry for a long time." And "I know that you have ideas that can be of help to us. Why don't you share some of those things with us and move along?" 

Now, here's what's gonna happen in many cases with fixed mindsets. They're not gonna go there. And with those people, you can say, "Listen, I want you to take the ride, but the consensus of the board, the consensus of the elders, the consensus of the church is that we need to move in a direction and I want you to go with us."

But I also know that when this many people are led by the Spirit of God to move into a different direction, "I think it's affirmation from the Holy Spirit that we move in that direction. I want you with us, but we have to move in this direction."