Building Trust - Lesson 9

Well, welcome back. Now it's time for the intrapersonal skills, the skills that are directly dependent on you as an individual when you interact with other people to build trust. The skillset that we wanna focus on now is called predictability.

And the reason that your predictability is so critical is that it manifests as consistency and persistence in the day-to-day interaction with the people that you are either working with or ministering to. Consistency creates stability and security. We've used that example before.

That's what a baby feels when they're being held, when they know that their mom or someone there loves them and that they care about them. And statistics even show that children have actually died from not being held and had that stability and security. So as we've said before, it's an innate, instinctive, primal aspect of trust.

So persistence creates commitment to your values and goals as well as the mission, vision, and values of your ministry. And here's the key: a predictable leader helps their team and its work feel steady and secure.

So let's talk about some aspects of predictability that you may want to work on and then we'll compare them to the behaviors and mindsets so that if you're high or low in these particular areas, you can actually apply them and gain mastery. So let's talk about step one. First, we need to act in alignment with the organization's mission and values.

You see, that's gonna be very easy for a high S or a high C because they like things that are predictable. They like things that are repeatable. They like things that bring that sense of security and stability to a ministry.

Now, on the other hand, the high D and the high I are change artists, especially when it comes to day-to-day things that they want to do. They like to do new things. They like to tick off the box and move off to the next, but also that utilitarian and individualistic is not gonna wanna do the same thing.

They're gonna wanna move from one level to the next or achieve higher levels of success in the process. The theoretical, depending on the level, and the traditional, depending on the level, will be able to stay structured and stay focused. But the lower the theoretical and the lower the traditional, the less they are going to focus in one particular area and move through that area in a stable, sensible mindset.

Number two, the follow-through and the ability for you to keep your promises are critical for other people to see you as predictable. Now, who is going to be good at that? The high I and S, because the high I wants personal approval and the high S wants stability. Additionally, the high subjective person is often a people pleaser, and they are going to want to please you, so they are going to try to be the person that you expect them to be.

They have even been known to be called chameleons, to move from one place to another to make sure that other people are happy with them. Additionally, the high C and the very high traditional are also going to want to stay within structure and stay within a focus that allows them to be seen as even keeled over a long period of time. It's gonna be hard though for the objective person, because the objective person is going to want to accomplish the goal, regardless of the circumstances that are going on around them.

Now, let's focus on the third thing that will help you become predictable. Hold yourself to the same accountability standards as you hold other people. It's just that simple.

It's not the "monkey see, monkey do." It's the fact that "I am a servant leader and that I am going to be there day after day to provide with what you need." So, this is gonna be much easier for the high C and the high traditional, and probably the individualistic person, because they are going to want to follow step by step, procedure by procedure, and they're gonna want to lead in a way that other people want to follow them.

Now, holding yourself to that same accountability is gonna be hard for the high IS, because remember, we said they're kind of chameleon in the way that they approach things, and it's also gonna be very hard for the subjective person, because what happens? Remember, they are highly impacted by their external circumstances. In other words, people and circumstances are gonna cause them to move. They're gonna cause them to change, and in many ways, give up the way that they think to make sure that they are doing what's right for that particular subject.

What are some of the best practices that you can apply to grow in your predictability and help it become your strong suit? Simply, keep your appointments and your promises. Be true to your word, and realize that if people can expect you to be the same person, to show up on time, to be there when they need you, they are going to see that you're predictable. Now, as we said, this is gonna be hard for the extroverts and the high individualistic people that are going a lot of different directions, but what I would encourage you to do if you fall into those categories is take that calendar that you have, whether it's a Google calendar, an Outlook calendar, or whatever it might be, and schedule your whole day.

I don't just mean your work day, your whole day, because many of us fall into the trap of scheduling our work days, but we don't schedule time with our families, and this is critical, because who's more important, your work or your family? You got it right, our family is our first ministry, so therefore, planning and scheduling your whole day is not restrictive. Folks, it gives you the freedom to know when you're gonna have your breaks, when you can have your down times, and when you can minister to your family's needs. Second, live out your organizational values before expecting other people to do the same.

I don't know about you, but many of us grew up with the phrase, "Don't do what I do, do what I say to do," and nothing could be more harmful to your predictability than following some example like that. Lead by example, hold yourself to the same standards, become that servant leader, because guess what? They're looking to you for how to do things, how to manage things, how to interact with other people, and maybe even understand the technical and people skills that you are trying to teach them. Set values for yourself.

What's important to you? What types of things would you not compromise on? You see, it's better decided on these now than trying to do them under pressure. So, as you think about these best practices, I'm sure that you are in a place or a position to where you're beginning to have questions about becoming predictable, especially if you've fallen into some of the categories that you and I have just discussed. So, what questions do we have? 

Student: Could you go through one more time the difference between inter and intrapersonal? I'm getting confused in my head.

Dr. Coker: Sure, absolutely. Interpersonal requires more than one person. In other words, there's interaction between you and I, or me and a group of people.

Intrapersonal is what is going on inside of us with outside interaction not involved. This is part of the way we think, the way we reason, and the way that we apply ourself. And it's probably very easily called self-discipline.

Student: Okay, and you said 'us,' but I'm assuming you meant each of us individually. 

Dr. Coker: That's absolutely right. 

Student: All right, okay. Here's my other question, and maybe it's because I'm a D that I noticed this, or maybe it's because I think you said 70% of all leaders are Ds. 

Dr. Coker: That's correct. 

Student: I'm not seeing D on your discussion a whole lot in intrapersonal. Can you trace through, from a D's point of view, what are his or hers challenges, and what they can do about it, so it kind of dissect the data from a different direction? 

Dr. Coker: Sure, absolutely. The high D is an individual that if you'll remember from our lessons in behaviors and mindsets is a control specialist. But each time a new task is put in front of them, which they greatly relish, they are going to want to control the situation themselves.

So the outside circumstances become irrelevant. What becomes relevant is the task in front of them, and therefore they attack it vigorously with passion. And we remember that that's their emotion.

So what happens is the focus begins to be very narrow, and that narrow focus says, "I have to go here to do that, and then I have to go here to do that." And so consequently, when we talk about predictability, we see that it was not a major strength for the high D. Because why? It's because I gotta get this done, tick it off, and move to the next thing. It's a matter of accumulating those successes along the way.

And each one of those successes are gonna be different. And here's the crazy thing about a high D. They may actually be asked to do the same thing over here as here, but guess what? It's a new challenge. It's a new opportunity.

So therefore, nothing that was done in the past is relevant anymore. They're gonna move on to this. So in terms of a D for the interpersonal things, those are easier to handle.

Student: It's a matter of just knowing who I am. But the challenge for a D is gonna be the intra, isn't it? 

Dr. Coker: It is. And it's not so much that they are challenged to accomplish something within themselves. Because remember, they're control specialists. What the challenge is, is approaching a similar project the same way. Or approaching a different type of project a different way because they're going to go in based on their experience, based on their knowledge, and based on the confidence that extroverts carry about them and attack it the way that they feel is appropriate for that set of circumstances.