Understanding Your Personality and Mindset - Lesson 11

Dr. Chuck Coker
Understanding Your Personality and Mindset
pc312-11
Navigating the Social Mindset in Ministry
Lesson Transcript

[00:00:01] Now we're coming to one of my favorite mindsets because it is so prominent in our church body, in para church ministries. And it is one that is a subjective mindset but that subjective mindset has a massive influence by people. And people can just take this person, chew them up and spit them out so quickly because of the loving, the kind, caring mentality that they have. And to be honest with you I have seen the subjective mindset leave ministry more often than any other mindset because their dreams are dashed. So I give you this information to help you understand that if we don't have this social subjective mindset in our church, we don't love people the way that they need to be loved. We don't express our care when they hurt and when they have concerns the way that we need to. But it also is a fine line to walk, especially if we consider the greatest command. Yes, the first part love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind and soul. But the second is like it or on that same level and that's to love your neighbor as yourself. Please hear me. Love your neighbor, how? As yourself. In other words, love yourself the way God loves you and love others. The way God loves them. So that we have a balance here. Because when that balance gets out of whack. There's going to be problems. Feelings and emotions, as we know, because this is a subjective mindset, but it's one that can dig deeply and hurt deeply because people that are elders, pastors and leaders in a church are held to standards that no one else is held to. And those standards are impossible to meet all day, every day, 24/7. 

[00:02:39] So let's dig into this social mindset. Feel the value of what they bring to the table. But also understand that they care deeply about people and their causes, and their whole goal is to improve the lives of others. And they will give without asking for anything in return. Why? Because they are relational. They think about the team. They think about the players. They think about the leaders. And they think about the results that can actually occur when the Spirit of God is working in them and through them to touch other people's lives. And let me tell you something. They are going to be the first people to offer their help. I have yet in all of the years that I've been working with staffs on multiple continents, seen a staff that didn't have a fair amount of social mindset. Here's the problem. So often they are so interested in making sure that people are happy in their church, they don't want them to leave. They want them to be there so that they can minister to them. And in that process, they literally defer to others when they have answers that the people that are coming to church don't have. That's scary, folks. Because staff, pastors and elders are there to give the true gospel. Not the gospel that people want to hear, but the gospel that may hold them accountable and grow them and develop them. Because for them, all they want to do is surround themselves with family or friends. They want to connect on a constant basis.

[00:05:06] Even after COVID, they're willing to meet with people virtually. I've got to tell you that this is one of the reasons why the teen suicide rate has doubled in the past several years because of that isolation, knowing that 70% of the people are subjective and most of that subjectivity is people orientation. You see, the high social can be so involved in others that they don't get their own work done. When you look at your graphics, if you see a very high social, you'll probably see a very low utilitarian because you're helping other people, but you're not helping yourself. So what I want you to think about is what's causing that. What is bringing all that about? Because the high social person is most often perceived as a very compassionate person. And their strengths actually become a stress trigger. In other words, my love for you causes me to do things that I wouldn't normally do. And I have to tell you that over the years, the higher the social, the most often people are taken advantage of. Now, I know the Bible tells us very specifically to pray for those that despitefully use you, but I'm also encouraging you to not position yourself to where you can be abused.

[00:07:02] Now, how do you actually recognize these people? Well, they have a language of their own. And it's like we, our and us. Listen to them talk. Because they're going to say things like, Are you all right? I'm concerned about you. But the one you'll hear most often is How can I help? When they ask those questions, they're almost always asking to be put in a place of stress. They're forced to be objective and logical and do what they think is going to solve a problem. They have trouble talking about what they really want or what they feel that God is calling them to do. So what they have to do is stop what they're doing sometimes. Because they're going to appear unfocused and even disengaged when there is a lack of sympathy for other people. It hurts. And you have to understand that. Now what makes these people stand out? Very simply, they are going to identify with and promote other people rather than themselves. But they're going to collide with the other mindsets at times. Because the objective people are going to be uncaring and task oriented. You don't care about people. You don't care what happens to them. All you care about is the bottom line. Hurry, hurry, hurry. What about us? And then that subjective aesthetic. Gosh, they care more about what things look like in a peer than the way it's going to impact the people that they're trying to minister to. And if the beliefs are at variance, they're focusing on the way of doing things rather than the outcome of what's supposed to happen. The transformation in life that only the Holy Spirit can bring. So how do you plug these people into your church or ministry? First of all, have them work in roles where they can care for other people. Let them serve when they have the opportunity. But don't overdo it and burn them out because they want to promote others and they're perfectly willing to do it behind the scenes. So how do you get your point across to them? How do you communicate with them? Point them to something that allows them to feel the emotion that is being experienced in the people or their cause. Show them how others are experiencing pain so that they can help make someone else's life better. I know you've seen these commercials about children sitting in the mud with flies on their face and all of that soliciting money. But I would encourage you, if you feel the tug in that heart, go to the Evangelical Council for Financial Accountability and look at what percentage is actually going to those people. It's just like weighing things. They struggle, weighing whether they should be submissive to somebody, even at their own detriment. So you have to be, especially if you're of a high social mindset, you have to be cognizant of what's being invested in those people and is that a legitimate expense? 

[00:11:46] So let's begin to think about and analyze the scores. Get your profile out and let's go through the scores so that you'll see. What the scores mean. Now, if you're 59 to 70, that means you are very, very sensitive to other people's needs and causes and you will want to have a significant effort in getting things done. However, if you're 51 to 58, you may be sensitive to those needs even outside of professional relationships, and you may have a strong desire to help. And 41 to 50. You can be sensitive through concern and politeness if you feel you can relate to them and need their help. But now we're in a situational place to where we can be sensitive to other people's needs at 33 to 40 and challenges only if they can relate to the issue and it does not pull them off track. But when you get to that 17 to 32 and 1 to 16, here's something that I want you to think about, because this mindset is very different. Normally, mindsets measure the bandwidth of a person from strong to weak. Social mindsets measure width wise. In other words, how wide is your bandwidth? And let me give you an example. If somebody comes to your door and asks for a donation, the very, very high social doesn't matter who it is, Cancer Society, Humane Society, or the local church, yeah, I'll give you a little bit. Mid-range. Well, I'll give to the ones that most are familiar to me. Where the lower level 1 to 32, I give to my local church. So here's the key. There's also that bandwidth that says, I like ministering to a large group of people and I prefer ministering to a small group of people. So think about the social mindset, not about whether a purely a person cares about people, but what is their bandwidth. How much caring is actually going on. 

[00:14:45] Now as we move to the next section. And we think about the concepts that are involved. What is power to a social person? It's making the world a better place. So we know that that means their passion is developing other people's potentials and bettering society and their worthy causes. Now, these people, as I told you earlier, will often exceed their limits by neglecting their own needs. And sometimes that can either be health and relationship needs. I can't tell you how many pastors have come to me and said, my ministry was my mistress. They ended up in divorce. They ended up alienating their kids. It's the balance love your neighbor as yourself so that you don't get stressed. They feel the stress when they're asked to be insensitive to other people and they want to get their point across by illustrating how their ideas will help others and benefit society. And you're often going to find them in that social work, in that ministry, discipleship, ministry counseling, helping raise money, service and deal with the members of the church or provide education because they're driving force is to invest their talent, time and resources in helping others achieve their potential. Very simply, their goal is to eliminate hate and conflict in the world and improve the well-being of others. And folks, we see this very prominently in progressive Christianity. And there are always going to be abuse of power, finances, etc. But we can't justify some things just because they feel, or you feel that it's not right. God will write those wrongs. That's why he's coming again. With Christ's appearance.

[00:17:32] So let's think now. What resources do these loving, caring social people bring to the table? They have a passion for developing the personal and spiritual potential of others because they're selfless contributors and they want to identify the impact of their contribution. But the liabilities that they carry is that they're unable to fully communicate their personal capacities in some areas because they defer to other people and may actually neglect their own personal needs or overextend and allow themselves to be interrupted by others. How do they want to serve? They want to champion worthy causes and caring service to those in need and those who feel they actually need a break. Identifying and promoting other people's giftedness. But they also have spiritual needs and above all, they need friends who will keep them in line and accountable and objective about their personal responsibilities. They need a bit more objectivity in the way that they minister in order to see the tasks as well as the people.

[00:19:03] So let's think about the key points that we need to remember about that social person. Their goal is improving the lives and causes of others. Oftentimes, sacrificially, they put themselves at a disadvantage with passive behaviors when they know more than others and could contribute, but they don't. They enjoy activities with friends, family, even if it's virtually. They love to interact. Ministry-wise, they enjoy caring for and encouraging others, especially where help is needed by showing their care and their concern for the situation.

[00:19:56] Now let's summarize these subjective mindsets and bring this all together. Remember, subjectivity is when a person is impacted by situations and circumstances outside of themselves. This evokes an emotional response and can literally turn them around from the direction in which they were going and head them in a different direction, even though something else may be a more important. And it happens to 70% of the population. So subjective people tend to be more emotional rather than logical. But they get pulled away. 

[00:20:45] Now, let's talk about this subject of aesthetic person. Because their environment, what's going on around them, their self-actualization, the harmony between relationships will literally yank them out of a good mood and put them in a bad mood. Those situations and circumstances are critical because they want an experience day in, day out, and when they don't have those experience, it can actually lead to depression because their ideals have not been met.

[00:21:29] Now let's move over to the subjective social. You've heard the expression, and it's all tried and true. This is a person that'll give you the shirt off their back, and they will. And you know what? They are so prevalent in ministry, but they are often the people that get burned and leave ministry. Did you know that the average person in ministry lasts less than five years? 70% of people that are in the ministry are no longer there after five years. Why? The social mindset pushes them to give, to give, to give and to give. And when they're taken advantage of and taken advantage of, they burn out. There has to be that balance of loving yourself the way God loves you and not saying yes all the time. Learning to say no because yes, you probably can do it. But is there not someone better suited? And that's what we have to remember. Don't let your emotions overrule what God created you to do to fulfill your purpose in life. You and I both know that all of our purpose is the same, and that's to glorify God. But how we glorify God is based on the mindsets of the culture that He has implanted us into for such a time as this. 

[00:23:27] What are some practical guidelines and resources for people that want to help in two ways. First of all, to avoid burnout. And secondly, to help people in a way that's helpful to them and not hurtful. What are some so what are some practical guidelines to follow or some resources that would be helpful to determine what is going to help you avoid burnout and what's actually going to be helpful to other people in a way that really benefits them and not hurtful to them? 

[00:24:11] Excellent question. I think the first thing that any high social must do. Is find three people for their lives. They need to find someone that they can teach because that will help them fulfill that care and concern for others. But secondly, they need a friend, a peer that loves them and can say what needs to be said regardless. They need an accountability partner. And third, the high social needs a mentor that can help guide them through this process and help them understand when it's okay to say no. As you think about this, if your social is high, that's a good thing. But you also have to remember that Jesus said no when it was appropriate. Did he not call Peter down and say, Get behind me, Satan? Did he not throw the moneychangers out of the temple? The examples are there for us. We cannot do everything for everybody. And you've heard the old trite expression You can't make all the people happy all the time. God doesn't expect us to. That's why he said it's for some to plant, some to sow. But who brings them to faith? Not us. Our job is not about results. Our job is about motives. And having a motive of caring and thinking of others more highly than ourselves is good. Until it begins to destroy the temple of himself that he created in you. God did not create us to be independent. He created us to be interdependent. And as we become more and more interdependent, we become more accountable, not just to our brothers and sisters, but to the Lord. Because so much of life. In the world that we live in is based on what we see, and yet we know those things are not eternal. Mm hmm. We have to focus on his word, his Spirit, and the people and circumstances that he organizes into our lives to keep us on that path. We must remain interdependent.