Understanding Your Personality and Mindset - Lesson 3

Dr. Chuck Coker
Understanding Your Personality and Mindset
pc312-03
Understanding the High Influencing Extrovert
Lesson Transcript

[00:00:00] Well, welcome back. It's good to have you back again. We're going to take that second extrovert now and we're going to compare and contrast them a little bit. But I want you to see that this people oriented or someone with softer edges than the dominant extrovert, we called them an influencer, the high I. And the reason that they want to influence you is because they want to inspire you. They want to be interactive and they want an interpersonal relationship with you. That interpersonal relationship with you is going to be very critical as you move forward with them because they want personal approval in most cases.

[00:00:58] So let's talk about that high influencing extrovert. They actually make up 28% of the population. Now, here's a little secret. You'll find them often times in leadership, where the high dominant person, that red person is going to want to be the bad cop. The high I wants to be the good cop. They want to be interactive and communicative with you because they are motivational specialist. They believe that if they can communicate with you and help you understand what's going on in their mind, share those big dreams with you that they're going to get you excited. You'll often see this in pastors and teachers that have that warmth and friendliness attracting you to them. But something else, though, because of that extroversion, they are also the type that enjoy big challenges. They speak quickly and sometimes think out loud, which can cause them to put their foot in their mouth. But they are much more comfortable with people than that high dominant person, because they want to please, they want to motivate and they want to excite you in a way that will help you understand why they're asking you to do something. 

[00:02:37] Now, here's the difference. You'll notice that with that high D, they tend to be very direct. The high I is much more relaxed and they will be a bit more indirect. In other words, they are going to say, wouldn't you like to or don't you think that rather than do this, do that? So this people person is much more indirect. Now, here's a funny thing about them. You put them under stress and they're going to do this, oh, my gosh, what are we going to do? They'll even walk around in circles sometimes. So when they are put in a high stress situation or you have just informed them that somebody has done something that they shouldn't be doing, give them a minute to think because that disorganization will cause them to make a decision, and it may not be the decision they really want to make. So explain the situation to them well, and help them understand so that they can make a better decision. You see, they want, no matter how challenging the situation is for it to come out positively. They love fun. They want an experience. And so the only way that they can do that is by making sure that what they're communicating is proper. 

[00:04:22] Now. Let's talk about what emotion drives this type of person. Because you're going to say, they think they can do anything. And you know what? In their mind, they can. The problem is this. There's only 24 hours in the day and seven days in the week and 365 days of the year. So that optimism that they're going to communicate to you is often going to be perceived as somewhat unrealistic. So that's for our people at the top half of the graph. For those people at the bottom half of the graph, you're going to say, Oh, I know they're pessimistic. And I'm going to say no, they're skeptical, they're going to question you. They're going to think through things and identify if you really know what you're talking about. Because you see, as an extrovert, they're going to want to know the information so that they can make a decision so that they don't have to think about it. So a low I person is and will have a tendency to be a bit skeptical from time to time. And you have to understand that it's not purely pessimism. They just want to know. 

[00:05:59] Now. Here's something you really want to focus on. When you think about that high I and bringing them into any type of leadership or development situation, that optimism and enthusiasm that we've been talking about is going to be there because they want to be a cheerleader for their cause. And if you give them a cause, they are going to want to rally the troops and get them going and have fun doing what they're doing. You see, they want to be creative. They want to think outside the box to solve the problems because they are conceptual thinkers. Please don't bog them down with a lot of details. Let me give you an example. You go to a car dealership and you look at that Ford G.T. or that Ford Mustang Shelby type and you say, Wow. Does that thing go fast? And they're going to say, yes, it has a 454 cubic inch engines with 400 foot lbs of thrust. I don't care about that. Does it go fast? So think in concepts when you talk to that high I, because they are just going to want to know the concepts.

[00:07:33] Now, here's something that they absolutely love to do. They love to motivate other people towards goals because being a goal oriented person themselves, they want you to achieve also and they expect you to achieve. So you may have to temper them just a little bit to make sure that those goals and those objectives are achievable for you as a person. But you can also expect that there's going to be some fun. There's going to be a sense of humor there and that they are going to want to be involved in a team and not have everything thrown on their desk. One of the things that you will probably notice is that they will delegate quite quickly. If they do and you think it's too much, you better say something quickly, because they will have expectations if you say you can. 

[00:08:39] Another important thing about these people is that they don't like conflict. They want to collaborate. They want to negotiate so that you are not in a position to where there can be hard feelings, because when you part from them, they want to know that everything's okay. They don't like leaving knowing that you don't like them or that you feel that you did something wrong. Remember, they have the propensity towards people pleasing and you may see it as a bit of insecurity. But remember we said that these types are different, they're not wrong. And this person wants to be approved of. They just want to be loved like most of us. 

[00:09:41] So how can you pick one of these people out in the crowd? Well, first of all, they're going to talk with their hands like you've seen me use. They're going to have those large sweeping motions. And remember the high D pointed, direct, jerky actions. This is going to be sweeping, wrists are going to be exposed, and they're going to have very visible facial reactions. Now, have you ever been to a restaurant and looked around the room and saw somebody sitting at the next table just going after it and the other person just nodding their head? This is the high I. In a crowd. You can pick them out. You can see them because they can't talk if they're sitting on their hands. So. What do they do in those crowds, though? They seem relaxed. And what you'll find is that they will normally talk to one person at a time. Why? Because when there's more than one person there, it's kind of stressful going back and forth and trying to please and communicate with each individual. You see, they don't want to be stressed out. They want to focus and they want to tell you personal stories. And those personal stories may be so important that they'll actually interrupt you right in the middle of what you're trying to do. And folks, they're not trying to be rude. They are just trying to get their point across because their whole mentality is, if I just get it out there on the table, you're going to like me. You're going to care about me. So. Let me apologize for them ahead of time if they interrupt you. You see you also need to know that. They can get talking so fast in this process that some of the stuff may not make sense. And I know every one of you has listened to a conversation where it took 30 minutes to say something and you're going to ask yourself, what did they say? This is going to be that hyper high I. Bear with them. 

[00:12:14] The next thing we want to know is how are they going to participate in a ministry and say, this is where I'm supposed to be? Well, first of all, they love to have fun. So when you're having a special event, they love to get in there and make some of the plans to have someone do something. They love to be the emcees. They love to be in a place where they can encourage and get the crowd worked up. Most of all, though, they just want to be heard. 

[00:12:54] I know you'd want to know, how do I work with this high I person? Well, first of all, be enthusiastic. Reassure them that they are going to be doing exactly what you need them to do, but do so with a big picture so that they have the flexibility to go left or go right or go forward or backwards and make it their own. Don't pile on a whole lot of details with them. Just describe the role in a reasonably fast paced way and tell them, have fun, be funny. Now. With a person like that who's just kind of all over every place and high level communicators, you probably think that's going to be hard to get what you want because they're so busy, they're so energetic. And so let me tell you your secret. Act like them. We call this mirroring. If they like cats, talk about cats. If they don't like this group of people, then you can just sit there and nod and agree with them. But most of all, amp up your energy level if you're an introvert so that they can see that you are genuinely engaged. Because if they don't think you're engaged, the conversation will not go on a whole lot longer. 

[00:14:37] So. I want you to pull out your assessment now, and I want you to look at your score in the high I area. If you were up there 90 and a hundred, you're probably extremely optimistic and take on more than you'll ever get done. And you're trusting that you have the capacity and the support and the resources to do that. In that 80 area, you are going to want to be inspiring and you're going to want to be demonstrative. You're going to use those hands and those arms and you're going to move that body so that you can be enthusiastic and persuasive, especially if you're around that 70 area. But when you get down to 60 and get closer to that midline, your natural tendency is to be a bit animated and outgoing but not so gregarious. So as of last time, we said, when you get to that midline, things become much more situational. In other words, if it's important to you, you'll be enthusiastic. If it's not so important, yeah, you'll see that head nod. You'll see that agreement with the other person. But it will be a little cooler, a little bit more rational, a little bit more logical, especially when you get down to the forties and the thirties, because then it's much more about being discrete and detached and reflective and critical because what? When you get down to that ten area, you tend to be skeptical and even undemonstrative and can be actually pessimistic and appear very distrusting to the people that you interact with. So if your score is down there, you are literally sending a message to the people that you talk with that you don't trust them. And that can be a problem, especially if you do trust them.

[00:17:07] So what are some of the resources that they bring to ministry? Well, first of all, they have an energy and an enthusiasm for the gospel. They love talking to people about Jesus and what's wrong with that? Next, they have the ability to engage and persuade people for the gospel. They can make a fantastic evangelist. Next, they love to convey experience and identify the revelations that God has given them in their lives. You remember earlier we talked about the fact that they loved to tell stories about their experience. If God has worked in their life, they're going to tell more than one person about that experience. They're going to be enthusiastic. But that enthusiasm can be a little bit challenging for some people because they can often be opinionated and they speak before they think. So remember, these people have a little bit of a propensity to get the joy engaged before the brain is engaged. Don't hold it against them. They're just trying to get that information out there so that you will understand. They also have a tendency due to this glibness to be situational listeners and maybe not ignore you, but dominate the conversation. You see in doing so, they may also even be a bit unrealistic in their expectations because they move fast, so they expect everybody else to move fast. They have these big goals and big ideas, and when you don't have those big goals and ideas, they may say, What's wrong with you? Don't you love Jesus? You know? And you have to understand that God created them that way for their purpose, not specifically yours. 

[00:19:41] So. They want to serve by bringing other people to Jesus Christ, and they will do whatever you ask them to if they have that opportunity. They love teaching and communicating the gospel. They love leading and encouraging a team where they can interact with people and get them enthusiastic about the gospel the way that they are. They're just trying to push this through osmosis to everybody that they come in contact with.

[00:20:22] But they, like all of us, have spiritual needs. They need to consider who the audience is before they speak to them. You see, once they get into a rhythm and a routine, they'll want to use that same rhythm and routine over and over and over again. And you don't speak to the people in finance the same way that you speak to the people leading discipleship groups. It has to be focused and tailored to the group that they are speaking to. So you might even want to rehearse with them some of the things that they need to communicate if you're asking them to take over a group or something like that. And at times they build without depth. So you have to make sure that they're thinking about the details as they go through this process. Last but not least, their spiritual need is that the prayers need to be focused on the reality of where the needs actually exist. 

[00:21:51] So let's summarize. High I's are people oriented extroverts. They will want to be effective speakers, interviewers and they exude positivity and they have big, big dreams. But they use these frequent hand gestures and it may be distracting to you. But it tells a story that they're trying to make an emphasis with. Remember also that they're going to want to love to tell you personal stories because they're dear to their heart. But also their emotional driver is optimism that can be perceived as actually unrealistic at times. And that's why we call them yellow, because they're sunshine. But remember, planting 10,000 churches in one year may be a little bit unrealistic unless you've got a powerful set of resources when you ask them about an interest in church planting. Here's the key. A rewarding ministry to them includes having fun, encouraging and working with a wide diversity of people. 

[00:23:26] Now let's take some questions. 

[00:23:30] How would you encourage high I's to have conversations, especially with high D type people when they're planning projects and to go into it so that they understand that even though they're people pleasers, you know, somebody disagrees with them to help them so that they can have that conversation without it affecting them personally as much. 

[00:24:08] Sure. I think that's an excellent question, because the high D's and the high I's interact because they're fast paced and they want to get something accomplished. But what the high I is going to have to do with that high dominant person is come prepared. They need to have those bullet points put together. They need to have concepts brought down into measurable areas so that they can focus on what really needs to be done. And in that preparation, I would say that they would be very wise to put an option on how to approach each one of the suggestions that they're working on. Because without those options, they may get a little bit of pushback and the high I can get discouraged quite quickly, especially where there is a push, a rush, a demand on making those things happen very quickly.

[00:25:18] It also seems like since I always like to tell stories and be accepted by people, that they would have a tendency in some situations for that to lead into gossip. Have you ever seen that happen or experience that? 

[00:25:38] Unfortunately, it's true. High I people tend to exaggerate at times and make things a little bit more than they tend to be at times. So one of the things that you want to make sure that you do in interacting with the high I especially if it's confidential information, is remind them of what the parameters are for disclosure. You have to make sure that they do not talk or refer to other people in specific situations. If they need someone else's opinion on how they might have to step in and be involved with this, they need to make sure that they are leaving names and sets of circumstances out of it because the high I's nature is to just spill the beans. And even though that may help them be more accountable to people in their disciple or Bible study groups it can also put them in a position to where people get an unrealistic view of their heart. So I would caution the high I's to remember that there needs to be some temperance in this process, and they need to make sure that when they communicate, they communicate situations and not people.