Understanding Your Personality and Mindset - Lesson 4

Dr. Chuck Coker
Understanding Your Personality and Mindset
pc312-04
Understanding People Oriented Introverts
Lesson Transcript

[00:00:00] Well, welcome back. It is now time to move over to the majority of the population. We're going to be talking about introverts moving forward now. And the first introvert we're going to talk about is that people oriented introvert. And we call them a high steady. That high steady is because they're always supporting, they're always trying to stabilize life and they're always trying to build security around their life so that things don't change. Now, God must really love these people because 40% of the population or higher says they are people specialists. They think before they speak. They pause during conversations because they actually want people to be comfortable with them. Now, here's something I want you to know that's very, very important. When you first meet the high steady person, they're probably not going to move around a lot. They're probably not going to shake their head a lot. They're probably not going to move their arms a lot. And you're going to wonder, am I getting through to you? And here's what I want you to know. You are you are getting through to them. And just because they're not showing it on the surface doesn't mean the fire is not burning down deep inside. They have emotions and they have feelings that are just as strong and at times even stronger than you can even imagine. But what they're doing is they're wanting to display that evenness, to give the appearance that they are comfortable with you and the other people that they're around. Now, are they going to be very direct with you? Probably not. They have a tendency to be indirect. And as I said earlier, you won't know that you're getting through to them. And the problem is, is that you may not know until it's too late because they will sit there and smile and maybe even nod their heads. But then when you try to reengage them, I'm busy. I'm sorry, or no return phone call.

[00:02:41] Interesting group they are. But here's something I want you to remember. They are the glue that keeps everybody together because they're non-confrontational. They want to work with people. They want to be part of a group and they want to do the things that are necessary and be perceived as being reliable. You see, they're looking for not just stability in a relationship or in a group, but they want the group cohesive. They want the group to work together. Why? Because their natural emotion is patience. However, they can be perceived as unemotional, uninterested and at times even unmotivated. But trust me, it's not true. Deep down inside, they do have those emotions going. Now, the difference is, is if that S is high, you're going to see that patience and that seemingly uninterested or unmotivated response. But when you get down into the low S, you're going to see somebody that's highly responsive and emotional when they express themselves to the people around them. 

[00:04:14] So what does this group bring to your ministry? Well, first of all, they are dependable. They're going to show up. If they say they're going to, they're going to be the people that are there and that will be working hard for a leader or a cause. Here's another great thing about it. They are good listeners. No, they're not good, they're great listeners because they're patient and they're empathetic and they want to know what's going on inside of you because they have a deep love for information to help them gauge the reality of what they're dealing with and how they're having to deal with it. See, they love being in a situation where they can actually resolve and reconcile people because they bring that calming, stabilizing aspect to the relationship.

[00:05:29] They're logical and step-wise thinkers. They're going to finish the tasks before they move on to something else. So here's what I want you to understand. If you've got a friend that's a high S, don't ask them to do more than one thing at one time. They do not see themselves as multi-taskers because they want to be seen as competent. They may not seem cocky or confident, but they want to be seen as competent. That's why they want to finish their tasks and why the people that they become loyal to in their youth will often carry through to long term relationships. Why is that? Because they're very conversational. They're easy to understand. For the most part, they're laid back. They're not going to be in your face. But please remember, don't spring change on them. Give them some advance notice. Let me give you an example. If you are a leader in the church and you know, some things need to change, first of all, notify especially these high risk people that things are going to be happening that may change the way that they do their jobs. We don't have all the details now, but I want you to get prepared. I want you to understand that this is not something that we're doing intentionally to upset the apple cart. We're doing this to help make things better. And we're probably going to ask your opinion in the process as to how to make these changes, because once you bring them in and involve them, they're ready to go. So think about that when change and when these challenges begin to occur. Give them a little bit of notice.

[00:07:49] Now, how do you recognize them? Well, their body language is very reserved. Their elbows are close to their bodies. Their hands are close together, but the motions that they do are very fluid. They walk, they stand and they sit in a relaxed format. But don't let that fool you. They're focused. They're very focused on what they're doing and how they're trying to do it. So if you ratchet up the stress level on them, just expect them to be possessive because they don't want change that you may be trying to bring about.

[00:08:39] So how do they see themselves in a ministry setting? What can you do to help make the ministry rewarding to them? Call them in to be part of a team. Let them have a specific role in that team. If the role is not defined, they'll sit there and be quiet. They want to collaborate. They want to support you. And they want to make sure that the focus is on the security of the group itself. So how do you work with one of these high S people? Take a deep breath and relax. Be gentle with them. Don't rush. Don't jerk at them. And most of all, don't raise your voice to them. Make sure that your expectations are extremely clear. A lot of times, putting it in writing will help but focus on how the team is functioning and what their role within the team is going to be. Lastly, speak clearly and calmly. If you get highly emotional and all worked up, you're going to cause them anxiety. And what you don't want to do is get a high S overtly excited or worried. We've learned many years ago through multiple medical studies that when the heartbeat gets elevated, caused by anxiety, our cognitive abilities decrease.

[00:10:43] And that should remind us that when we think about a second Timothy one seven, the Lord does not give us a spirit of fear. Anxiety is the outgrowth of the spirit of fear. Our spirit is given what? For power and for self-control. So when you approach them, don't put them in a situation that's going to cause them anxiety, because when you do that, they can't think properly. And that's one of the things that they value the most, is being able to think clearly. So what you might want to do is tell them stories that illustrate how they actually fit into the group and into the situation so that they can say, I get it. I understand what you want and I think I can handle that. That's where you want them. 

[00:11:54] So with the person that doesn't like those change and they don't like to be overtly excited, how do you get what you want from them? Because they may seem, especially early on in the relationship, as I mentioned earlier, to be somewhat withdrawn, somewhat unengaged even, is you find a way to tie yourself to them. Let me give you an example. If I was an insurance salesman and. I called you up and said, Bill Mounce is a friend of mine, and I know that he told me that you were going through this and that, and he thought that perhaps I could be of help to you. Would you have a few minutes to see me and talk to me? And I promise not to be pushy. I just want to be of help to you. Now you have a tie. You have a tie with that person. Oh, Bill Mounce is a friend of mine, and therefore I'm safe because of He's a friend of Bill's. Bill wouldn't send him to me if he wasn't safe. Use referrals, Use things that they can relate to. If you've got a cat and they've got a cat, talk about the cats, but bring them in together with you in a way that they can relate to and they find a way to take that deep breath and relax. 

[00:13:36] So pull out your assessment. Let's look at your score and let's see what some of the key characteristics are that might be used to describe you. If you were at extremely high up in that hundred, in that 90 range, you're probably going to be considered unemotional, non demonstrative, systematic, methodical and maybe even disengaged at times, even though we know that's not true. But when you get to that 70, you can see that a person likes to do the same thing and be predictable and patient. And as you get down to the 60 range, you see a more stable, calm, composed individual who is loyal, and that's critical. But now we find ourselves at that 50 situational range. So now it becomes much more important, is it important that my pace is fast or slow, or is it important that I listen? Is it important that I'm reliable because their idea and concept is going to have an influence on whether they become stable, whether they become rational and predictable, or whether they can just jump, can go do what they need to do. So when you get down to that 40 range, understand that they want to be involved, industrious, energetic and may even display some impatience and restlessness. So at 30, we see an individual who's going to be a bit more progressive and intense and even impetuous at times. And you may even call them a zealot. But we get down to ten and zero, we have an emotional, expressive person. So the key is understanding where you fall in there.

[00:15:59] And remember, when we had our very first lesson, we said that it's important for us to put these things together and identify high just as important as low, and situational tells us that there's a lot more flexibility. But we have to understand we have to adapt more when someone is situational because we need to know how important the subject matter is to the individual. So we want 40% of our team to be high S's, don't we? We want them to be the glue that keeps things stuck together. 

[00:16:45] So what did they bring to the table for your ministry? Well, the first thing is, is they're faithful, they are supportive. They are going to be a ministry member. They are going to be in there. They will want to be methodical and decisive and focused with the things that they do. They are almost always going to be honest with their feelings, patient listeners and a comrade to the people in their group. They're great to have on your team. But high S just like all of us has liabilities. They struggle with unfamiliar ministry focuses. You're going to need to invest a little bit of time and help them understand the nuances of the ministry, probably before they'll even get involved. And so in doing that, you have to understand that they will be great in the ability to avoid controversy and conflict. They may even actually step back to avoid it. They may say nothing. And when they don't, you may want to draw them out because their tendency is to to give way to other people, and you don't want that because they have knowledge. They have understanding. They have been listening. They have been communicating and understand things that perhaps you may not understand. 

[00:18:37] So make sure that you focus on their level of standoffishness, if that indeed happens. They have a sense of urgency and tend to get in ruts. That little sense of urgency can cause them to want to do the things over and over and over again the same way when in fact there may be better ways to do that. And you have to make sure that they are on board when you do that.

[00:19:20] So how do they actually want to serve group oriented ministries? They would much prefer not to be holding the microphone, standing up front, leading big crowds. They get very intimidated by those big crowds. They are helping others in support of roles. They are methodically studying the scriptures. They are doing the things that will be supportive for the group that they're actually involved with. But they, like the rest of us, have spiritual needs. They want to focus on what is appropriate and they need to be more open with change. That focus and openness and change is going to be critical, especially when it comes to accountability, because being possessive of their reputation is so important that they need to focus on getting things out rather than holding things in. Next, they also want to be and need to be involved with the cause and timeliness with their efforts and creativity. They need to change feelings to faith. And that is so important because they tend at times to be worriers.

[00:21:14] So here's the things I want us to remember. Here's our key points. High S's are people oriented introverts who listen well and they think before they speak. They have very reserved body language, so don't expect a lot of movement with their hands or the rest of their body. Their emotional driver is patience. You may think that they're disinterested, disengaged or non-emotional. That's why we give them that color green. That is consistent. It's like looking at trees. They are there and they're green the same way they were yesterday. 

[00:22:05] Now, how do we put them in a ministry that they are going to enjoy? Put them in something in which they can collaborate with team members they can be a part of, they can have a role, and where they can actually be respected for what they do. Now, what questions might you have about the higher S person?

[00:22:36] Would you agree that the high S person values trying to make the best of the situation at hand rather than thinking of ways that it could be made better by change? Yes, a high S person will not change sometimes unless they're actually forced to. They may not be creative unless their mindset is very creative. They will take things one step at a time. And something that you may even notice is that when someone tells them to change, they may actually freeze. They may actually stop what they're doing because they don't want to make a mistake. You remember when we talked earlier about the fact that they want to be perceived as competent. They want to be perceived as a person who knows what they're talking about. And if they act without full knowledge and understanding of what that change is going to entail, they may very well freeze. Or they may not act at all or they may even argue with you.

[00:23:59] So as high D people and hi I people are considering different projects or goals or changes that they want to make, how should they consider the process to include the S's in that process?

[00:24:22] Good question, because this is critical. The high D and the high I are shakers and movers. But who gets the job done? It's the high S person. So what I would suggest for a high D or high I is we have an upcoming project and we're going to try to accomplish this, this and this. Now, I'd like to have a meeting on this next week, and I would love for you to just put together some suggestions or ideas based on your experience and based on your knowledge of the situation so that you can bring that experience and that information to us so that we don't make mistakes as we move through this process. Your opinion is going to be very important as to what we do and how we accomplish it.