Peacemaking in the Church and Beyond - Lesson 15

Responsible Speaking

In this lesson, you will learn the importance of responsible speaking and listening in conflict resolution. The key to responsible listening is to accept responsibility for understanding others, no matter how poorly they communicate. Similarly, responsible speaking involves accepting responsibility for being understood, regardless of how poorly others listen. The lesson also discusses why people stop listening, such as speaking too long, focusing on features instead of benefits, and providing solutions before being asked. Furthermore, you will explore strategies to improve speaking and listening, including minimizing the listener's expenditure of energy, speaking in short segments, providing only 30% of the information, checking for the listener's understanding, and acknowledging their differences. By taking responsibility for your communication, you increase the chances of a successful outcome in conflict resolution.

Rick Sessoms
Peacemaking in the Church and Beyond
Lesson 15
Watching Now
Responsible Speaking

Lesson: Responsible Speaking

I. Introduction to Responsible Speaking and Listening

II. Responsible Listening

A. Accepting responsibility for understanding others

III. Responsible Speaking

A. Accepting responsibility for being understood

IV. Reasons People Stop Listening

A. Speaking too long

B. Focusing on features instead of benefits

C. Providing solutions before being asked

V. Strategies for Effective Speaking and Listening

A. Minimize the listener's expenditure of energy

1. Speak in short segments

2. Provide 30% of the information

B. Develop the listener's motivation to respond truthfully

1. Check for the listener's understanding

2. Acknowledge the listener's differences

VI. Taking Responsibility to Influence Outcomes

Class Resources
  • Learn about the crucial role of leadership in conflict resolution, explore the various types of conflicts in the church, and understand the importance of building a peacemaking culture to prevent and address conflicts effectively.
  • In this lesson, you gain insights into the growth and crisis of the global church, with a focus on Africa, and learn about the tragic Rwandan genocide. You will examine the historical background of these crises, the church's role in addressing them, and the need to move beyond the Gospel of sin management. Embracing the four-chapter gospel, you will understand the church's responsibility as a community of reconciled people, embodying God's reconciling work in the world.
  • You will gain insights into the gospel and its applicability to everyday life, as well as its impact on society, including bringing reconciliation and creating heaven on Earth. The discussion acknowledges the difficulties of living out the gospel in society and the tension between living in the world and living for the gospel.
  • In this lesson, you'll gain insight into the sparks that ignite conflict in the church, understand how conflicts can escalate, and discover the importance of developing peacemaking skills and fully embracing the gospel to foster unity and resolve conflicts.
  • You will learn about conflict culture in the church, which is an inherited culture for resolving conflict shaped by visible and invisible elements and assumptions and values that drive conditioned responses, and how recognizing and addressing it can lead to healthy conflict resolution.
  • This lesson explores how pastors and church leaders address people-pleasing cultures, examining the attitudes and actions of laissez-faire, controlling, and peacemaking leaders, and discussing the role of the church in promoting peacemaking, involving others, and establishing support systems.
  • Crafting a culture of peace requires three building blocks: having a passion for the gospel, unified leadership that exhibits a shepherd's heart to protect and guide, and embracing a peacemaking theology. By focusing on these building blocks, we can create a harmonious society that avoids the slippery slope towards violence.
  • This lesson highlights the significance of unified leadership within the church, demonstrating how effective leadership can help overcome crises and conflicts. By examining factors that contribute to unity and disunity among leaders, you will gain insight into the importance of addressing issues such as control, communication, differing gifts, competition, and qualifications in order to maintain a cohesive and gospel-centered leadership team.
  • You will gain insight into the importance of preparation and certain characteristics that need to be in place before conflict in order to build a united leadership team, using an analogy of running a marathon.
  • This lesson provides insights on understanding conflict and developing a peacemaking theology, teaching you how to respond biblically and create an approach that honors God and benefits those involved in the conflict.
  • You will learn practical steps to overcome conflict by reflecting the glory of God, responding with humility and grace, prioritizing unity over self-interest, speaking the truth in love, and pursuing forgiveness and reconciliation.
  • By learning practical peacemaking tools and focusing on communication, you'll enhance your ability to resolve conflicts by mastering responsible listening and speaking, enabling you to better understand others and communicate your message more effectively.
  • You will learn about the importance of listening as a spiritual practice to connect with God and others, and how being open and attentive to God's voice through listening can lead to greater awareness of His presence and deeper relationships with Him and others.
  • Gain insights into the barriers to good listening, the 600 word gap between listening capacity and speaking rate, and the objectives of responsible listening to improve communication and build trust in relationships.
  • In this lesson, you learn about the vital role of responsible speaking and listening in conflict resolution and how taking responsibility for understanding others and being understood can improve the chances of successful outcomes, along with strategies to enhance communication.
  • Learn to manage the Grapevine, an informal communication network, and understand the roles of Centrals and Peripherals in sharing information, as well as conflict mediation techniques and the importance of acknowledging and accommodating uneven tables in disputes.
  • This lesson highlights the crucial role of peacemaking beyond the church, touching on the history of American evangelicalism, race relations, and the inspiring story of Koinonia Farm, which exemplifies the importance of fostering reconciliation in a divided world.

How conflict and leadership intersect..

Dr. Rick Sessoms
Peacemaking in the Church and Beyond
Responsible Speaking
Lesson Transcript

[00:00:01] So then let's move to responsible speaking. I don't have as much to say about responsible speaking, but just a few things. First of all, responsible speaking is the flipside of responsible listening, as simply as I accept responsibility for people understanding what I say no matter how poorly they listen. What do you think of that? That's just as hard as the first one. It may be more difficult. So I just encourage you to take that on and, uh, and think about that, because if we do take that kind of responsibility, it will increase the odds of our moving through conflict in a healthy way. Um. Significantly. Why do people stop listening? Well, first of all. We speak to Long. We we we all tend to speak too long. The second. Area is that we talk about features, not benefits. What do we mean by that? Whenever we're talking to someone, they are always looking. There's a radar that's on their heads and that radar is tuned. To what? What I referred to as W ITM FM. What's in this message for me? They're looking for those signals and they're looking for those early on. And so marketers would tell us that we don't talk about features, we talk about benefits, but in speaking responsibly, give people cues, clear cues as to why this conversation might benefit them. And and rather than just talking about whatever, because we can take people out into the forest, but if they don't really see the the crumb trail to get to the to the to the to the desired location and and that crumb trail is really about what's in this. Why should I take this journey with you? And it's really about understanding what what is in this message for me.

[00:02:33] The reasons people stop listening. Ah, the major ones are that that we speak too long. We talk about features and benefits and, and then thirdly, we provide solutions to their problems before they ask for it. My wife says, I didn't ask you to fix this. I just want you to listen. I'm sure that none of your other guys have ever heard that, but it's it's so classic. And what it really communicates is that I'm not listening and I'm not proving to her that I've heard what you said, at least not significantly. So here are some strategies. And with these strategies, well, we'll just wrap this up very, very, very quickly. Minimize the listeners expenditure of energy. What? How do you do that? Well, you speak in short segments, number one, before stopping and seeking clarity, seeking whether they're hearing you. And, you know, again, a simple device is a what have you heard me say? Um, uh, let me let me talk with you through that to make sure that I'm communicating. Well, uh, simple devices, but very, very powerful when it comes to when it comes to conflict, particularly. Secondly, provide 30% of the information. You know, one of the critical issues is that when we move into these kinds of personal encounters, we tend to want to come with our whole arsenal ready and cocked and loaded and ready to fire and just unload the whole gun. But the reality is, if will dial that back and be very selective in what we share. So that's 30% has got to be the right 30%. But to reduce the load that we place upon the other person, there's a higher likelihood that we're going to get a better reception reception to that. Does that make sense to you? That clear? It's amazing when when, when I've begun to think in that way, I don't always succeed.

[00:04:44] But but when I've begun to think in that way about speaking in short segments and then and then providing 30%, it's absolutely amazing how that works with people there, their capacity to grab it. So the second is develop the listeners motivation to respond truthfully. To you. And the ways to do that is check for your listeners understanding continually. Again, it's back to what you just said, Sam. And then secondly, acknowledge your listeners differences. Allow them to think differently than you. And the reason this is in here is because we leaders tend to want to mold people into our likeness when we're in conflict. If they don't think the way that we think somehow we want to somehow force them into that mold. And when we acknowledge that we're different people and that in itself can can create a framework for healthy discussion. So here's the final point. If you want things to come out the way you think they should, you probably are the best person to improve the chances that they will. By taking responsibility, you gain the right to influence the outcome. And that's why this responsibility issue is so important. I mean, we can talk all around that and say, well, people won't do this or people won't do that. But if we take the responsibility, we have a lot higher potential of things turning out the way that we hope they will.


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