Peacemaking in the Church and Beyond - Lesson 9

So, then what do we do to build a united leadership team? Let me just give a couple of principles here that have been very helpful to me. There are certain characteristics of a united team that need to be in place before the conflict erupts; you cannot wait until the conflict erupts to put these things in place. It's kind of like running a marathon. I happened to run a marathon a number of years ago, and the one I chose to run was the San Francisco Marathon, and we ran through San Francisco, and if you know anything about San Francisco, it's a little bit hilly. I trained for four months for this race, and so I finished it, but there were many who didn't, and I'm sure that those people wanted very badly to finish that race, but there was no way physically that they were able to make that last six miles; every step was uphill. It is not possible to run 26.2 miles if you're not prepared; I don't care how badly you want to. 

So, there are some things in the same way that in conflict, some things have to be in place in terms of preparation before the conflict hits. If it hits and these things aren’t in place, no matter how much you want it to be, the chances are very slim that you'll be able to make it. So before the conflict, it is very important to establish trust. You're going to need it. You're going to need it in spades. It's important to build this before the issues arise. The way you go about this, one way is through what we call ‘transparent sharing.’ Take time to listen to one another's stories. 

I remember when I was leading a staff in another ministry, we would take regular times and simply listen to one another's stories, not just fleeting moments, but take time and listen to the complex make-up of an individual. That's what I mean by the story; it’s not just what a person believes or what they think about this issue, but to hear their story and all the three-dimensional aspects of that person's life. It begins to help us understand one another, and thereby trust is built for the tough moments. 

The second one is likened to it: Share personal life experiences. Talk about what's really going on in your lives on a personal basis. This is very important as a habit, of course, with leaders.

Sacrifice time and resources for one another. Time is often our most precious resource rather than money. Take time to listen and understand one another. Ask for help; by asking another person for help, we model humility and a genuine need for community. You know, one of the things I'm learning is that I don't know a whole lot more than I know. Does that surprise you? And the way it comes about is that I know a little bit about leadership, but there's a whole lot more I don't know about leadership than I do know about leadership is the truth of the matter, and I know more about leadership than I know about anything else. So, there's probably a little bit about rocket science I don't know, and there's a little bit about biology that I don't even know I don't know. The point is it's not hard to ask for help when I really begin to face reality in my life about how much I don't know and how much help I really need.

Encourage mutual accountability, those kinds of relationships. Welcome each other's constructive corrections and observations. Those with positional authority need to initiate that mutual accountability. So if you're on a team and you lead it, it's important to extend the hand of vulnerability in terms of being accountable.

Model peacemaking with one another in the small stuff. Some things just aren't worth arguing about. My son is attending college right now, and the issue of unity came up in his classroom, and he said, “Dad, what is this unity about? What does it mean?” And I pointed him to Ephesians chapter 4, verses 3 through 6, which says, “Make every effort”; in other words, do everything in your power, it needs to be active, it needs to be intentional, not just kind of floating along on the way, but do everything in your power “to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” Then Paul provides, notice, the parameters for this unity. He says, “There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.” Those are the parameters; those are the delimiters; those are definers of what we're to be unified in. Then there are covenantal statements. Beyond this, celebrate diversity, and so don't sweat the small stuff is the point; keep the main thing, or main things, the main thing.

Then finally, create and maintain capital -- that's the second principle -- you're going to use it. Establish trust -- you'll need it. Create and maintain capital -- you'll use it. You know, just as in the financial world, capital grants me certain rights and privileges to speak, relational capital also gives me rights and access to another person's life; if I don't have capital, it's very difficult, if not improbable, that I'm going to be able to speak into another's life when the chips are down. 

Capital comes and is developed by answering three basic questions, and here are the questions very simply. One is, do you respect me? In other words, if you're building capital in a person's life, when the answer to these three questions is yes in them, number one, do you respect me? In other words, are you judging me, or will you betray my confidence? That's the first question. Do you respect me or are you judging me? Secondly, do you really care about me? Not just what I can do for you, but do you care about what I think? Do you listen to the hints that I drop along the way? Do you really care about me? And then thirdly, can you actually help me? So those are the three questions that establish capital for us in other people's lives. Do you respect me? Do you care about me? Can you actually help me? Do you have the competence and the commitment to help me to be of a benefit in my life? 

Now, just like a bank account, this capital is built over time; it's something that builds up. You'll need to expend some of this capital during conflict. You'll need to cash it in just like you would a stock or a dividend. You'll need to cash it in; you’ll need to use it; it'll need to be in your Reserve Bank to use during the conflict. But if your bank is empty, you have nothing with which to function in the conflict situation, and so we talk often in dealing with conflict with leadership, do you have capital beforehand? That has to be there.

Now, then there's what is going on during conflict, and I want to suggest at this point -- we're going to get a lot more detail later -- but when you're building a united leadership team, the leadership team, these three issues are important. 

There are three areas of satisfaction that are critical. One is the leadership team, in order to be unified, needs to be satisfied with the process. It's called ‘process satisfaction.’ In other words, provide a clear and fair process in which everyone has a reasonable opportunity to present his or her side of the matter. It is a critical mistake when we surprise others on the leadership team with a significant issue without giving them time to prepare for it, and so make it clear what the process is and stick with the process so that that process itself is understood and satisfactory to all the people involved. That's number one. 

Secondly, there's personal satisfaction. Whatever the issue, everyone on the leadership team needs to be treated respectfully and equally. Now we're going to talk about some issues about equality later on, but for now, it's important, and how we do that equally is tricky. But we'll talk about that. Watch little things; particularly if you're the leader, watch little things like eye contact or tone or body language. 

During an annual meeting in a church where I was the senior pastor back in 1992, I believe it was, or ’93, I was moderating the annual meeting during a delicate issue, very delicate issue. I won't tell you what it was about; it was delicate. After one comment from a member from the floor -- you know, we kind of had an open floor; the associate pastor was sitting beside me; I was standing up, but he was sitting beside me, and he was facing the whole group of people -- there were probably a couple hundred people gathered for this thing -- and this member said something that obviously was distasteful to him. He didn't say a word, but he rolled his eyes; he just rolled his eyes like that, and I heard about it the next morning from probably half a dozen people, and I made the mistake of defending the associate and said, ”Well, he didn't say anything.” But the reality is he said everything, and it took probably two years to get the genie back in the bottle on that one. It is very easy to inadvertently brush people off in those moments, and when it's done and when it happens, it's best I've learned to admit it and work to rebuild the relationship when it happens. So personal satisfaction is critical during the conflict. 

And then thirdly, results satisfaction. Now, what does this mean? Ideally, everyone involved perceives that they've been hurt -- that's the key -- and we're going to be talking about communication and what it means to do responsible listening and so on and so forth, but for now, it's important to understand that everyone is convinced beyond doubt that they have been heard, not that everybody agrees, but everybody has truly been heard, and that the outcome is just. In many cases, the solution is not going to satisfy everybody, or anyone completely, for that matter. But if the conditions of process and personal satisfaction are met, then people will generally be satisfied, even if they are not in complete agreement on the final results. 

And so, in conclusion, as goes the leadership, so goes the congregation, and so pay a lot of attention before the crisis and during the crisis when you're going through something like this. This is not a distraction from the ministry; this is the ministry, because this is the gospel. Again, when we begin to measure the success of our ministry by how we deal with reconciling issues, that's a powerful thing, and it's so important for the leadership to model this image of Christ to each other before a watching congregation. 

So, as you think through this issue about a united leadership team, in closing, for those of you watching online and for us here, the question is, how would you characterize your leadership team? Is it strong, is it cohesive, or is it prone to division and discord? Or is it somewhere in between? The real question is, is the team strong enough to have different opinions? Because there will be different opinions, but you’ll remain united in leadership, and so that's a critical thing as we walk through. So, before the conflict, establish trust, create and maintain capital, and during the conflict, make sure to address all three of those satisfaction areas, process, personal and results satisfaction. We won't always agree, but we can make it together as a unified team.