Counseling for Healthy Relationships - Lesson 3
Understanding the Consequences of Unmet Needs
Acknowledge that you have needs and transfer the ownership of these needs into the hands of God, which is meekness. You and I have an emotional kettle that is designed to experience positive emotions. Over time, an unmet need is like a flame under the kettle, which results in the "pressure" of anger and hurt. Unmet needs lead to hurt, and hurt leads to disappointment and sadness. Empty the kettle of negative emotions and the positive emotions will come back.
Understanding the Consequences of Unmet Needs
I. Review
II. Insights about needs
A. You have needs
B. These needs are biblical
C. These needs require another person to be met
D. We want the other person to meet these needs without being asked
E. It’s not enough to meet “a” need, you have to meet “the” need
F. How men and women are the same
G. Needs can be shaped by our spiritual gift
H. You and your partner probably have a different number one need
I. Needs can be influenced by what you did/didn’t get growing up
III. Three Obstacles to Intimacy
A. You can exalt your needs
B. You can deny your needs
C. I know I have needs but I am ashamed that I do
IV. What Happens When Our Needs are not Met?
A. Look for the unmet need behind the anger
B. Anger can lead to resentment, and resentment can lead to bitterness
C. Guilt can lead to condemnation, then fear, anxiety and stress
V. Ingredients in a Relationship
A. Affectionate caregiving
B. Vulnerable communication
C. Joint accomplishment
D. Mutual giving
VI. The Process of Emptying the Kettle Will Bring You Closer Than You Ever Were Before
VII. Five Reasons People Say They Want a Divorce
A. They have a wrong attitude
B. People are unwilling to suffer for righteousness sake
C. Lack of faith in God’s power
D. Lack of understanding for God’s purposes in tribulation
E. Lack of power to live the Christian life
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Dr. Parle introduces Dr. Karl Elkins and the class, Top 4 Aspects of a Great Relationship.
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Love is meeting the need of the moment, not meeting a need with good intentions. All you have to do to upset someone is to lovingly meet the wrong need. You can only hit an emotional target with an emotional arrow.
0% Complete Acknowledge that you have needs and transfer the ownership of these needs into the hands of God, which is meekness. You and I have an emotional kettle that is designed to experience positive emotions. Over time, an unmet need is like a flame under the kettle, which results in the "pressure" of anger and hurt. Unmet needs lead to hurt, and hurt leads to disappointment and sadness. Empty the kettle of negative emotions and the positive emotions will come back.
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Anger results when you are hurt and you cling to a right. Yield your rights to God and focus on your responsibilities. Learn to think at the need level, not the event level. If you focus on your rights it leads to an angry revolution. If you focus on your responsibilities, it leads to a revival.
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Having a structure to serve as a model for communicating your needs and emotions of the moment helps you to communicate clearly and creates space to meet each other's needs by responding in love. It helps initially if you have someone to coach you as you work through the steps to help you stay focused on the current issue so you can identify and meet the need of the moment.
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You show love to someone when you identify the need of the moment and meet it. Mr. Elkins identifies and describes the top 12 commonly identified needs. He also suggests a pattern of communication to use to resolve a situation where one or more of these needs is not met.