Ephesians - Lesson 27

In chapter 5 verses 22 to 23, Paul is addressing specifically wives and husbands and his exhortations pertain to godliness, how specifically the wife shows that she's walking in a manner worthy of her calling. I'm assuming he's talking here about Christian wives. And then how the husbands love the wives as Christ loves the church.

So verse 21 is important here because he's just finished speaking about submitting, tells the congregation to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. So the word submit that pops up in verse 22 directed toward the wives to submit to your own husbands. This word is not a negative term here.

Submission in other words is not a bad thing, it basically means to place yourself under the authority of another. So you have the submitting to one another passage in verse 21, but now more specifically he's saying wives, you submit, he addresses wives directly with the word wives, this nominative word in the Greek text that addresses them as the ones to whom he's given the command to address. So here's a point that's important to make in this section of the argument that in 522 to 533, he's not saying that wives and husbands should submit to one another.

It's not what he's saying here. In the previous verse, he's speaking collectively to the body of Christ, exhorting them to be filled with the spirit of God, not be drunk with wine and to address one another in Psalms, hymns, spiritual songs, singing and giving, and then submitting to one another. But now in verse 22, he's making a more specific point about how wives should relate to their own husbands.

So he says wives submit to your key word here, own husbands. So the word submission in this particular verse is specifically related to wives to their own husbands. This is important because this verse does not indicate, in my view, that Paul was saying all women in all places everywhere should submit to every man.

That's not the point that he's making, but he's making a specific point about the husband and wife relationship. Wives should submit to their own husbands as to the Lord. So this part here as to the Lord is assuming the verb or the command to submit in the first part of verse 22.

So you can read the verse this way. This is the ESV translation, but I'm going to insert the word submit twice. Wives submit to your own husbands as you would be submitting to the Lord.

So in one sense, this is what I think Paul is saying, is that when a wife, assuming here he's talking about a Christian wife, submits to her own husband, it is a manifestation as though she is submitting to the Lord. Submit to him as though she would submit to the Lord. So again, submission is to place yourself under the authority of another.

Jesus, in 1 Corinthians 15, we see him that all things are submitted under Jesus's feet. Now why is the question here? Why does Paul give this command? Why should wives submit to their own husband? Why does my wife, for example, have a responsibility to submit to me? Well, verse 23, because the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. The reason is because the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and he is Savior of the body.

A couple of words here to point out with respect to this verse, Paul refers here again to head. There's been a lot of scholarly conversation on what the word head means here, and in my view it refers to authority. It refers to the head represents the authority that fits with the language of submitting.

1 Corinthians 15, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. It's been very clear, in my view, that Jesus has authority over all things in heaven and on the earth, back up in chapter 1, that he is reigning victoriously over all things. And guess what else? In chapter 1, all things have been submitted underneath his feet, and that he's reigning over all things.

So Jesus's lordship is invoked by Paul here as a reason why wives should submit to their own husbands. And so just as Jesus is Lord over everything, he's sovereign over everything, he has authority over everything, but we have an analogy, the wife is head of, or the husband is head of the wife, or he is the, I'll insert this word, he's the authority over the wife. Now this is not a tyrannical authority.

This is not an abusive authority. This is not to be oppressive in any way, shape, or form. This is an authority that represents that God has designed the husband to have a particular headship or role over his wife in the context of the family.

And this headship, this role is good and beautiful, as we'll see in a moment, when the husband is loving his wife as Christ loves the church in the right way. So he says the husband is the head of the wife, over the wife, and notice the next part, even as Christ is the head of the church, is the authority of the church. Now in my view, I see no evidence in Ephesians where Paul has identified Christ as the source of the church.

He seems to emphasize Christ is the authority over the church. Again, linking it back to chapter one, where he talks about Christ reigning over all things, and the body of Christ is being filled up by Christ, who fills up all things, and the fullness of the body of Christ is taking place by means of Christ reigning over the church and filling it up to full maturity, and it's also connecting to what Paul says in chapter four about Christ ascending on high, giving gifts to the church to equip the church, to build up the church for the work of the ministry, and Christ is holding the church together by his sovereign power, and one way he displays that power is by giving gifts to the church. So this whole package of information in verses 22 and 23, it's linked to what Paul has previously said about Christ's lordship, headship, authority, rule over the church.

So it's Christ is the head of the church, his body, he is himself its savior, so also the husband is the head of the wife, and again, I just want to emphasize, this is good when it's rightly worked out and it's demonstrated in a way that reflects what God intends, a pattern of headship and leadership that reflects the relationship between Christ and the church. So notice verse 24 now, as the church submits to Christ, ah, look at that, there's the verb again, submit. Back up in verse 21, there is a mutual submission in the context of the local church between fellow believers, but not in the context of the husband and wife relationship.

When you get to verse 22, the exhortation is wives submit to husbands as the church, verse 24, submits to Christ. So also wives submit to their husbands with respect to everything. Now this verse here is important for me to unpack a bit.

So in verse 24, when Paul says that wives are submitting to their husbands in everything, the Greek phrase there is in ponte, I do not read this to mean that wives should submit to their abusive husbands. I do not think that. I think the assumption Paul is making here is that, this is my reading of chapter 5 in Ephesians, that he's assuming that husbands are loving their wives as Christ loves the church.

Now the first Peter passage, where Peter exhorts wives to submit to their husbands, those seem to be commands given to Christian wives to submit to their non-Christian husbands. I think that's a different context from here. In this context, it seems to be assuming Christian wives and Christian husbands, just as he's assuming Christian slaves and Christian masters, whereas in first Peter, it's crooked masters as well as Christian masters to which Peter's giving the exhortation.

And so I want my sisters in Christ to hear these words. I want to speak pastorally about this, and I will speak more gently here and calmly as I talk about this topic, is that in my view, a godly and right thing to do if a woman finds herself married to an abusive husband is to get help and to tell the authorities and to tell people right away who can help them and alleviate them from that situation. I do not think this text is warrant to say that a wife should submit to an abusive husband who is harming her.

That is not how I read this text. I think by wives submitting to their husbands in everything is a way for Paul to reflect the fact that God has placed the husband in authority over his wife as he's placed Christ over the church. He was continually reigning over the church with this authority.

But there are exceptions, I think, with respect to how this is going to work out in the context of a marriage, such as when a woman's life is threatened. So submit to your husbands in everything doesn't mean submit to them when they tell you, for example, to disobey God. I think the paradigm for submission shifts when husbands ask their wives to dishonor God, when husbands want their wives to do things that will harm them.

The reason why I would say that is because we've just read passages in chapters four and five that emphasize walking in a manner worthy of your calling. I do not think Paul is calling wives to submit to their husbands when their husbands want the wives to walk in a way contrary to their calling. But nevertheless, he is emphasizing that as a pattern for the marriage, for the home, the wives submit to their husbands as Christ submits to the church.

But you know what is interesting about this passage? When I hear this passage taught and preached, we spend most of our time talking about the wife's responsibility. But Paul spends most of his time talking about the husband's responsibility. So I think the way in which we talk about the passage prioritizes what the wife should do and often ignores what men should do.

So I want to call men to be men, and my tone is going to accent a bit here when I talk about the husband's role in the marriage. So wives submit to husbands, but husbands, you love your wives as Christ loved the church. Now how did Christ love the church? He died for the church.

Husbands, we are not being godly. If we make our marriages to our wives about us, if we are selfish, rude, disrespectful, lazy around the house, don't chip in and help out with the things that need to be done. If we look at our wives as though they exist for the purpose of meeting our needs as opposed to recognizing marriage is a partnership where two people come together as God designed in Genesis chapter 1, one man and one woman to holy matrimony and become one flesh.

We are responsible, called by God, commanded by Paul to love our wives as Christ loved the church. He loved the church by dying for her, gave himself up for her. So a wife here in this passage is called and exhorted to submit to a husband who should be loving her as Christ loved the church, who is living sacrificially.

Now just because I'm raising my voice doesn't mean I do this perfectly well. I'm convicted about this even as I'm talking about it. So notice it again, husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for the church.

My fundamental responsibility as a husband is to put my wife before myself in a way that honors Jesus Christ. Of course, I need to be a provider, a protector, a caretaker, a leader, but my wife's good should always be my goal and aim in the marriage and it must always be a leadership that I display that reveals sacrifice. This is Jesus died for the church, gave himself up for the church.

Why did Jesus die for the church? Now he's going to spend a lot of time here talking about the church. He's going to bring it back to the husband and wife relationship. He gave himself for the church.

Notice that language of gift again. He gave himself for the church that he might sanctify the church, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word. So this language of washing of water with the word sounds similar to the language that you find in Titus 3, 5, where Titus says, he saved us not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit.

So Jesus died for the church to sanctify her, to cleanse her, to purify her, to make her holy. The washing of water with the word is basically conversion language where it was set apart by God, sanctified by God in Christ who died for this end so that we would be holy. So practical thought, I'll try to do practical application as I'm walking through the passage.

Practical thought here is that one way I love my wife as Christ loved the church is lead her toward Christ by leading in a way that cares for her sanctification. Taking the initiative in the home when it comes to spiritual conversation, theological reflection. It doesn't mean I need to be the only one who takes the initiative, but it does mean as a husband, I have a responsibility to shepherd my wife and my children, but to shepherd my wife in the gospel, to help her grow in her faith, to care about her sanctification, to care about her progress in the gospel.

So husbands, this could be an intimidating task because we all feel not equipped and we don't know everything there is to know. Nobody knows everything there is to know. Paul is not commanding us to become experts in everything about theology or the Bible.

He's commanding us to love our wives as Christ loved the church, and when we do that sacrificially is we care about their sanctification. We sacrifice. So we can do something as simple as, hey, honey, let's read a passage of scripture together and talk about it and pray.

Or before we go to sleep at night, let's pray together. Let's ask the Lord to get her to help us love each other more faithfully to grow in our marriage and in our faith together. He sanctified her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, verse 17, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing that she might be holy and without blemish.

So he's giving us this exposition as to how Christ gave himself for the church and for what purpose he did that is for our sanctification, for our regeneration. Likewise, husbands love your wives in that way, sacrificially give yourself up for your wives in that way for her good, for her sanctifying good. And so then he applies this to husbands.

In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. So you think about Christ. Christ loved the body of Christ by giving up his body to die for the church.

He purchased the church, Acts 20 says, by his own blood. He sacrificially gave himself up to create a people known as the church. He laid down his life for his sheep in the same way husbands should love their wives as their own, as their own bodies.

You want to look at an example, husbands, for how we love our wives. Look at how Christ loves the body of Christ. It's great to go to marriage conferences and to read books about marriage.

It's all fine and good. But the first place we look, I think, as husbands as to how to love our wives well is look at the example of Christ. He never married, but he is the one who died for the bride of Christ.

And that's the paradigm that we ought to follow as husbands when it comes to how we love our wives well. So now he goes into talking about what it means to love one's wife, verse 28, as he loves his own body. He who loves his wife loves himself.

I mean, it's interesting here at the end of 28 and in verse 28 that he talks about loving your bodies because remember the creation narrative. I'm going to jump over that. The narrative of God creating Eve out of Adam's rib, that she is part of his body.

And so he wants us to love our wives as though we would love our own bodies. Our wives are a part of us. That the two have become, we become one flesh manifested chiefly by means of procreation.

As we give ourselves over in marriage, we give ourselves over in marriage to procreate in a sexual intimacy that is uniquely shared between the husband and the wife. So he who loves his wife loves himself. Why? Because his wife is part of his body.

For no one, verse 29, ever hated his own flesh. Now he's being general here because there are people who hate themselves. No one has ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes it and cherishes it just as Christ loves the church because we are members of his body.

Jesus, here's the paradigm. Jesus does not hate the church. Think about that.

He does not hate, he does not hate the body for which he died. So also husbands should love our wives as though we love our own bodies. Therefore, verse 31, a man shall leave his father and mother, drawing here from Genesis 2, and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.

The idea of holding fast to his wife could also be read cling to his wife or be united to his wife, calls to stick to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. In the ancient world, when a husband and wife united, they didn't leave the husband's family. The wife moved in, in certain ancient and eastern texts, with the husband into their home with their parents.

So this is not a command to say leaving and joining means you're going to geographically remove yourself from where the parents are. I have in-laws who live in another country, and I love my mother-in-law, but I also like the fact that there is a lot of distance. It's a good and healthy thing.

But that's not what Paul is getting at when he talks about leaving and cleaving. He's talking about the relationship between the husband and the wife is unlike any other human relationship. So that the two are united together in a way that manifests oneness, and that is manifested, I think, chiefly through the ability to procreate, which is one reason why God seems so creative, is that Adam cannot, he cannot procreate with the animals in the garden, and he is alone.

And it's not good for man to be alone because man cannot procreate alone. He needs Eve. And while the husband and wife share many beautiful and glorious things, apart from sexual intimacy and procreation, one reason why God created Eve, not the only, but one, is so that they could procreate and repopulate the earth, or fill the earth, rather.

So the husband and wife become one, the husband shall leave his father and mother, hold fast to his wife. That means, men, husbands, that as much as we should love our parents, that the most important person, human being in our lives, once we're married, is our wife. And that's the one with whom we make a covenant, sickness and in health, till death separates us apart, richer or for poorer.

It's a unique relationship. I am not, I love the ministry, but I am not married to the ministry. I love serving the church, but I am not married to the church, I am married to my wife.

And my responsibility is to love her well, and to put my relationship, human relationship, with her, above any other human relationship. Of course, there are responsibilities, we work, we have, we have jobs that require lots of time, regardless of what those jobs are. But there's no relationship, humanly speaking, like the relationship between the husband and the wife.

So therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, which means, men, we can't be mommy's boys all of our lives. We have to learn how to cut, as the old saying goes, the cord when we become husbands. We can't let our parents control our marriages.

We have a responsibility to love our wife well. Verse 32, Paul says, this is a mystery. It's profound.

And I'm saying that refers to Christ and the church. What exactly is, is mysterious? Well, I think, I think what's mysterious is, is how he's describing the relationship between the husband and wife as an analogy with the relationship between Christ and the church. However, verse 33, let each one of you love his wife as himself, as you love your own body, love your wife as Christ loved the church, and let the wife see that she respects, reveres her husband.

I think that verb here, to respect or to fear, is a, is another way of talking about the process of submission. And when you submit to someone, you show respect to them. So here the verb is respect.

It's the Greek verb, phobeo. And the verb to submit in chapter five, verse 22 is the Greek verb, hupotasso, is the lexical form at least. And so I think respecting or, or reverencing her husband is another way of talking about submitting to her husband.

And so in the passage, Paul is giving these Christian wives and Christian husbands exhortations to be godly in their marriages. Here's the thing. Remember to whom he's talking.

He's talking to pagans who've been saved out of Gentile idolatry, Gentile sexual sin. Guess what that means? If you come into a new way of life, namely a Christ following way of life, with the mindset of sexual sin, follow you into your marriage. And so Paul is trying to help them reorient their thinking.

Like what was married life like for these pagans? Well, my guess is there was a whole lot of immorality taking place in the context of the marriage. Given what we know about these ancient pagan religions and the, the, the pattern of life that often was associated with them. So now in Christ Jesus, what's the paradigm for the wife is to submit to your husbands as the church submits to Christ.

What's the paradigm for husbands is to love your wives as Christ loves the church or all sorts of ways to apply this. Let me give a series of examples to husbands. Now again, it's talking, it talks about husbands and wives, but I want to spend my time talking about what husbands need to do.

Because a lot of times this passage, again, it's talked about, you hear it talked about about what women need to do. So I'm going to flip it here because I think Paul prioritizes, in my reading of it at least, that there's a burden placed upon husbands to sacrificially love their wives well. So one thing husbands you ought to do, this is one way you can love your wife as Christ loves the church.

Don't commit adultery. Be faithful to your wife. Another way you can love your wife as Christ loves the church is don't look at pornography.

Another way you can love your wives as Christ loves the church is don't have an emotional affair with other women. Another way you can love your wife as Christ loves the church is put your wife first, her needs. There are always exceptions where we have times where we have to place our needs first.

If we're sick, for example, if our job demands some time that it normally, we have a deadline. Life gets busy. But my point is make it a rhythm to make sure you're asking your wives what do they need from you as a husband to help them well.

Another way you love your wife as Christ loves the church is you speak to her in ways that are godly and uplifting and you build her up. Another way you love your wife as Christ loves the church is that you're patient and kind and you walk in humility and you express gratitude for how she sacrifices maybe to work a job and to keep up a home and to help raise kids or all of the above at the same time. Express gratitude and love.

Another way you love your wife as Christ loves the church is that you listen to her. Don't make every conversation about your needs, your wants, your desires, your disappointments. Again, I'm not saying these things because I have these things figured out.

I'm convicted even as I'm talking that we all as husbands fall short of God's glory. But what we need to do is make sure that our wives are not simply our roommates, but they are our bone of our bone and flesh of our flesh. Which means those commandments that Paul gave about vulgarity and sexual sin and slander and not letting anger go down on your wrath, all of those things apply to the marriage relationship.

So if we want to love Christ, love our wives as Christ loves the church, then walk in the light in our marriages, not in the darkness. He doesn't stop with the husband-wife relationship, but he continues with the parent-child relationship. So he's really dealing with what we can call household stuff here.

He's writing to Christians in Ephesus and giving them as the people of God general exhortations. But now he's focusing with the husband-wife relationship, the children-parent relationship and the slave-master relationship. These are groups of people that would be within the context of the church.

And the slave and the husband-wife, slave, child-parent and slave-master, this is a family situation here. So a practical word before I get into verse one in chapter six is the gospel has a lot to say about the family, how it should conduct itself. And he starts with children and he says, children, obey your parents and the Lord for this is right.

I love that verse as I have a teenage child. Why should children obey their parents? Because it's the right thing to do. Now Paul, Paul actually gives a reason in addition to that in verse two, honor your father and mother, citing here Exodus 20 verse 12, honor your father and mother.

This is the first commandment with the promise. Now if you go to Exodus chapter 20 verse 12, the verse says, honor your father and mother that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you. So when Paul says this commandment is the first with the promise, here's the promise.

Children, if you honor your mother and father, you'll live long in the land. Remember in the Mosaic covenant, one way you show faithfulness and loyalty to God is you obey the law. If you disobey the law, you live in the land, or excuse me, you disobey the law, you die in the land, you obey the law, you live in the land.

And Paul's saying to children, presumably he's talking to, to believing children, presumably honor your father and mother, because this is the first commandment with the promise. And here's what Paul says, verse three, he's, he's citing again from the Exodus narrative that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land. So he gives you the promise.

Now here's what I think we should do with this verse is that Paul is picking up on this promise of land and the Exodus narrative, and he's applying it eschatologically here to children. Guess what? Children who believe the gospel, the expectation is for them to obey their parents because that is an evidence that they're walking in a manner worthy of their calling. And children who don't obey their parents, again, assuming their parents are leading them in a godly way, children should not submit to parents who want them to do evil things.

They should tell people to help them in that situation. But my point here is, is that assuming that they're, these children are, are in a context where their parents are instructing them in the Lord, the submission that they're offering is, is a manifestation of their trust in God and what God has done for them in Christ. And if they obey the gospel by obeying their parents, if they walk in the light by obeying their parents, they'll live in the land.

Now why am I connecting this land promise to an eschatological promise? Because he cites this verse in the context of the inheritance. He just said earlier in chapter five that if you don't do what he says to do, you have no inheritance in the kingdom of God in Christ. So it seems to me, now again, Paul is reading the Old Testament in a very Christological way.

He's linking now the promise of inheritance with the land promise right here. I hope you see that, that what was a land promise in Exodus, you'll live long in the promised land. And Paul is saying here that land promise is linked, is to be linked with the kingdom of God because the land promise is described as an inheritance.

And so essentially he's making the argument that children, if you love God, if you walk in the, in the, in the light of the gospel, you'll obey your parents. And if you obey your parents because you love the gospel, you'll therefore live, you inherit the kingdom of God. So for those of you who are watching who may be children, I think the children here are in the home.

I think that's likely here given the fact that he's addressing husbands and wives, slaves and masters. I think these are children who are in the context of the home. They're being raised up.

I think that is the case as well. When you hear, when you see Paul saying things in the pastorals regarding the elder having responsibility to, to manage his household well, and the children must be in all submission and this sort of language that I think Paul is assuming these children are in the context of the, of the home. But children, it pleases God when you honor and obey your parents who are leading you in the ways of the Lord.

Now one might say, well, what about children who have parents who are not godly? Well, I don't think Paul is addressing that directly here. I think these children are in talk, are children of parents who are in the context of the church. Otherwise, why is he talking, writing this commandment to the Ephesians? He's writing to these faithful saints in Ephesus.