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Understanding the Consequences of Unmet Needs

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Acknowledge that you have needs and transfer the ownership of these needs into the hands of God, which is meekness. You and I have an emotional kettle that is designed to experience positive emotions. Over time, an unmet need is like a flame under the kettle, which results in the "pressure" of anger and hurt. Unmet needs lead to hurt, and hurt leads to disappointment and sadness. Empty the kettle of negative emotions and the positive emotions will come back.


I. Review

II. Insights about needs

A. You have needs

B. These needs are biblical

C. These needs require another person to be met

D. We want the other person to meet these needs without being asked

E. It’s not enough to meet “a” need, you have to meet “the” need

F. How men and women are the same

G. Needs can be shaped by our spiritual gift

H. You and your partner probably have a different number one need

I. Needs can be influenced by what you did/didn’t get growing up

III. Three Obstacles to Intimacy

A. You can exalt your needs

B. You can deny your needs

C. I know I have needs but I am ashamed that I do

IV. What Happens When Our Needs are not Met?

A. Look for the unmet need behind the anger

B. Anger can lead to resentment, and resentment can lead to bitterness

C. Guilt can lead to condemnation, then fear, anxiety and stress

V. Ingredients in a Relationship

A. Affectionate caregiving

B. Vulnerable communication

C. Joint accomplishment

D. Mutual giving

VI. The Process of Emptying the Kettle Will Bring You Closer Than You Ever Were Before

VII. Five Reasons People Say They Want a Divorce

A. They have a wrong attitude

B. People are unwilling to suffer for righteousness sake

C. Lack of faith in God’s power

D. Lack of understanding for God’s purposes in tribulation

E. Lack of power to live the Christian life

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