Peacemaking in the Church and Beyond - Lesson 11

Dr. Rick Sessoms
Peacemaking in the Church and Beyond
MC613-11
Peacemaking Theology (Part 2/2)
Lesson Transcript

[00:00:02] We've spent significant time on this slippery slope motif. So probably this this is familiar to you by now. So. So what I'd like to do then is based upon this slippery slope and assuming that that the area where we want to really spend our time is in these conciliation responses. Right? That's where we where we want to focus our time. I want to give you some practical steps again, that we want to equip our people with in order to help them to really overcome the conflict that they experience in their lives. Number one, the first step is to reflect the glory of God. And this picture was first painted in 1410. Uh, some. How long ago was that? Six. Six on or 700? I don't know how long ago it was a long time ago. And it was. It was painted by a Russian Orthodox monk named Andrei Rublev. But it's, it's the picture of the Trinity. And in this painting, the persons of the Trinity are sitting, interestingly enough, in the round. And they are there's not one over another, in fact, as someone has pointed out. The highest person in the picture happens to be Christ, not the Father. The Father is this personage here. But more importantly, what we see in this picture is they're sitting in the round and they have their heads bowed in deference to one another. It's just a beautiful picture. There's no sense of of. There's the there is. There's a flow of affection. There's a flow of love in the picture. There's there's absolute unity among the three. There's no sense in this picture or in Scripture that the son is resentful of the Spirit's ministry or that the father interferes with with the redemptive work, the son.

[00:02:09] There is seamless harmony among the three. And commenting on this picture, Henry now and the the the great author said, I have never seen the House of Love referring to this picture more beautifully expressed than in this icon of the Holy Trinity. And the relationships within the Trinity reflect God's desire for His people. And so our piece is founded, first of all, in the person of our God and the and the Trinity itself. So when we pursue peace, we reflect His glory further. We reflect his reconciling love in the midst of sin and conflict. And so conflict gives us an opportunity to imitate God's grace so that when others observe us, they see our God shining through. And this is really what sets biblical conflict and peacemaking apart from any other approach to resolving conflict. This fundamental reality gives meaning to the words that Paul wrote to the classrooms when he said, Therefore, as God's chosen people wholly and dearly beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, with kindness, with humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. And I want to resist with everything is within me right now to go into a discussion about humility. But just to say that that when Jesus drop is when Jesus and Paul drop these words into the language of the world as a as an actual virtue. This was an abrupt revolution in the history of the world that that literally changed the world forever. So this whole idea of humility one toward another is is way outside the bound bounds of what was understood up until that time for thousands and thousands of years, whether you're looking at Roman culture, Egyptian culture, Greek culture, what have you.

[00:04:13] So this this issue, this why this this picture of Trinity is so profoundly important. So that's the first is reflect the glory of God. Take this as an opportunity to reflect the God that we serve because it is the core of the gospel. Secondly. It's important to wrestle the log out. It's is without question that Jesus had a sense of humor. I mean, and he used humor to address some pretty profound realities in our lives. And this is one example when he, on the Sermon on the Mount talked about getting the sawdust out of somebody else's eye while you have a plank sticking out of your eye, it it might be helpful to work on the plank before we worry about the sawdust. Now we are used to that were there are thinking about this. This idea has been a bit domesticated and we've we've grown familiar with it. But there is an absurdity to this image, isn't there, that that really can capture us and our nature is defined for my nature is to find faults so, so easily while while I have trouble identifying my own my own mess. Jesus is is telling us is not telling us to forget reconciliation, but to slow it down to to get another look, to search our own lives and to take responsibility for our part of the problem. James states it so well. He did not use humor in addressing the topic so much. He basically said, what causes fights and quarrels among you said, Don't they come from your desires and battles within you? You want something, but don't get it. You kill and you cut it. But you cannot have what you want. You quarrel, you fight. And James is pretty direct here.

[00:06:11] I mean, I don't know that we we typically don't hear sermons that are that direct in in our world today. But but there's a progression in these and in this verse it goes something like this. First it starts with a desire I desire even for something good. Our desires can be very legitimate, but then it progresses from a desire into a demand. I have to have what what I what I want. And if I don't get it, I'll be unhappy or I'll be angry. And then our demand turns into a judgment. I condemn those who keep me from getting what I want. And then finally, my judgment turns into punishment. I bring pressure or pain on those who don't give me what I desire. So it's desire and then demand and then judgment. And then punishment is typically the way that this thing goes, as according to James. So the questions that I have to ask myself in this wrestling the log out question as I look into my own heart is questions like, What am I preoccupied with? What captures my attention when I get up in the morning, When I go to bed at night, when I'm not occupied with other things? What do I spend my mind my time thinking about? Secondly, what? What do I want so much? That I am willing to risk relationship with others to get it. That's a very important question. A third question is what do I fear? And then fourth, what what do I have to have in order to have inner peace? What really is it going to take for me to achieve, uh, this, this lack of stirring that goes on inside of me? And then it's important to make a thorough confession.

[00:08:12] This is the next step is if a confession is necessary, make it thorough. And let me walk through just a few steps here. I don't have this written down or on the slide, But but these are pretty important steps in the confession process here in confession address, everyone involved go as far as the offense went, but no further. Uh, that's first avoid if possible, eliminate a. In other words, avoid words that give you outs like if and but and maybe eliminate the words that minimize our responsibility. Our sin admits specifically if there's something that needs to be confessed, admit the specifics of the sin, acknowledge the hurt that has been called as far as possible, that you understand how you've affected the other person expressed sorrow for the pain you've caused. And accept consequences If there are if there are ways to repair the damage, do so do do all that you can for the other person to bring wholeness into their lives. And then, of course, it's it's important not just to say you're sorry, but to alter your behavior. Explain how you intend to change. That's what confession and moving through conflict, which is going to bring the the best potential for reconciliation is is all about and then finally ask for forgiveness. Now, why do I put that at the end? I believe and and my own experience and journey in this would would tell me that that for asking forgiveness should be the last step, not the first. Now, that's that's that's pretty important here. It's important to put ourselves at the mercy of the other. The deeper the hurt, the more time it's likely going to take for a person to resolve it in their in their own hearts. Several weeks ago, I was invited to a to go to an international meeting where there were women from all over the world that were gathered in this meeting.

[00:10:34] And. At about three quarters of the way. Well, as toward the end of the meeting, there was a woman from Brazil in the audience. And the way that this meeting was going, it was kind of informal. And and so this woman from Brazil, I didn't know her, but she actually asked for an opportunity, impromptu without announcing. She asked for an opportunity to come to the platform. So when she came to the platform, she then ask an African lady that was in the audience to come and join her on the platform and they're on the platform without any preparation. She began to describe the atrocities that the Brazilians committed against African slaves in Brazil for centuries. And she asked this woman with no preparatory work. She grabbed her hand and looked at her and said. She said, Will you please forgive us? And quite frankly, the African woman was stunned. She didn't know what to do. She didn't know how to respond and she tried to be polite, but it was obvious that it was incredibly awkward because she had made forgiveness, asking forgiveness the first thing, not the last thing. And so as we go through this process of making confession, it's so important to recognize that when we do the preparatory work, it results then in asking for forgiveness rather than a rather than making that the first. Because if we make it the first, then we're putting the responsibility back on the person who has been hurt, who has been offended in the process. So then if, as we have committed ourselves to reflect the glory of God, and then to wrestle the log out of our own eye as we're going into conflict, then we arrive at this matter of restoring with care.

[00:12:47] Last year, my wife and I, the reason I chose this picture is because my wife and I visited Ground Zero in New York. It was our second time that we'd visited that site. And in the last few years, it's a hallowed place, of course, where 2700 people lost their lives and the most extreme expressions of humanity were on display that day. As you know, we visited a couple of weeks before the 10th anniversary before they were to open the park there and and all that. And it was amazing to see the care, the caring restoration that's going on and the personal care that that that the workers were investing themselves. It wasn't just another work site for sure. Paul instructed the Galatians, if someone is colonists and you are spiritual, should restore him gently. Now, that's the qualifier, of course, you who are spiritual. This phrase has been abused a lot in the church, at least in the churches that I've been part of. By default, we assume that often means the spiritual ones are the pastors or the elders. But the reality is, is this is not about a title. It's about those who are truly spiritual. Spiritual. That doesn't mean that the pastor and elders aren't, but it it certainly includes many more people than that. So what does it mean? So what it means is, after we've gone through the process of examining our own hearts with a desire to reflect the glory of God, we remove the planks from our own eyes, allow others to remove for us. Perhaps if that doesn't work, we enter that place of, uh. Of of understanding our humanity in that place of brokenness with the other person, to offer correction in a way that's redemptive.

[00:14:46] That's often a painstaking task. It often takes time. It often requires a measure of risk. It often requires investing ourselves. But here are four principles that can help in those moments. The first, again, is to overlook minor offenses. Before you go to someone. First, ask yourself if this is so serious that it really needs confrontation. In other words, can you overlook the offense aspect of what Sam was saying? Proverbs 1911 is pretty clear on that. Proverbs 19 says A man's wisdom gives his impatience. It is his glory to overlook an offense. Secondly, breathe, Grace. Breathe grace into the situation, approach others in the same spirit that God communicates to us. Remembering the gospel that that whatever has divided us has been paid for. The cross will help to reduce the tension that often happens when you go to other people. Uh, that second breathe grace. Thirdly, so important. Communicate clearly. This is where it gets sticky. Clear the fog. Make sure the other person hears you and understands you. We're going to get in a few minutes, get into communication in the context of conflict, but make sure that the fog is clear. It's not good to come out of these moments. And the other person thinks was was that all there was to this? You know, they can't quite figure out what it was all about. Last year, I approached a brother to deal with an issue that had been ongoing for 12 or 13 years. And and and we talk for an hour and all seemed in my mind to be settled. But I heard within the last three months through a third party that this person totally mis misrepresented and misunderstood misinterpreted at least the time that we were together. So it's a result of poor speaking and poor listening in critical moments.

[00:17:01] And again, we'll get to the practical tools of communication in conflict in just just a while. But that's the third is communicate clearly what this is about and then finally, keep it as private as possible for as long as possible. According to Matthew 18, the ideal way to work out conflict is to keep the circle as small as possible if it's just the two of us. If that doesn't work, they involve others progressively. And just note it's tough to start out with a wide circle and then make it smaller. To say it another way, it's tough to get the genie back in the bottle and so start small. You can't lose on that. So the first step then in this process is to reconcile. Often the process of restoring requite with care is all that's needed. Um, but how do we move forward toward a solution so that substantive issues can be dealt with? In other words, there's legitimate issues on both sides. There's a legitimate interest on both sides of a conflict. Just how do we handle that justly and fairly? Paul tells the Philippians, Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. How do we do that? So here's just some practical principles. First is to prepare not only your own heart, but get as much information as you can before you enter into the discussion, into the process of trying to reconcile a situation. Secondly, a firm. Affirm the relationships. They are important. You want to keep those intact to the highest degree possible so affirm the importance of relationships. Thirdly, seek to understand and empathize. You understand the difference between sympathizing and empathizing. Empathizing is getting inside the skin of another.

[00:19:00] It's important to seek to empathize with the interest of another and recognize, just as Brennan has pointed out, the crocodile effect. So what I call it. You may have a presenting issue that are the eyes above the water, but there's a whole bunch potentially that's down below the waterline. That is the real issue. And so recognize and empathize with with that in order to really understand what's going on. Look for areas of agreement. It's always helpful because there there are areas of agreement and in most every case, start with those and then search for creative solutions. There's usually more than the solutions that are on the table. There's usually more than the solutions that are being considered at the moment. And then, of course, evaluate your options reasonably. Those are the steps for reconciliation that have been provided for us by by people who've walked with this issue for a long, long time. So it's all about seeking the glory of God, wrestling the log out of our own eye through confession and examining our hearts to restore with care that requires clear communication and loving confrontation. And then reconciliation is the first step that is very, very important principles in terms of of conflict resolution.