Counseling for Healthy Relationships - Lesson 1

Love is meeting the need of the moment, not meeting a need with good intentions. All you have to do to upset someone is to lovingly meet the wrong need. You can only hit an emotional target with an emotional arrow. 

Acknowledge that you have needs and transfer the ownership of these needs into the hands of God, which is meekness. You and I have an emotional kettle that is designed to experience positive emotions. Over time, an unmet need is like a flame under the kettle, which results in the "pressure" of anger and hurt. Unmet needs lead to hurt, and hurt leads to disappointment and sadness. Empty the kettle of negative emotions and the positive emotions will come back.

Anger results when you are hurt and you cling to a right. Yield your rights to God and focus on your responsibilities. Learn to think at the need level, not the event level. If you focus on your rights it leads to an angry revolution. If you focus on your responsibilities, it leads to a revival.

Having a structure to serve as a model for communicating your needs and emotions of the moment helps you to communicate clearly and creates space to meet each other's needs by responding in love. It helps initially if you have someone to coach you as you work through the steps to help you stay focused on the current issue so you can identify and meet the need of the moment.